How do you start these things… ?

After many moons of half-hearted resistance and constant flaming of other people’s blogs, it is now time to throw my own bullshit out into the ether and see what stinks, see what sticks, and see what gets flung right back at me.

Why call this corner of the Earth ‘Button Pushing Monkey’? Well, Facebook was taken. As was (sad, but true). Truth be told, I’ve spent the last several years working a series of incredibly menial jobs. For example, I worked for a video game company in Melbourne for 2 years (which sounds interesting), where I literally spent whole days typing in endless 5-digit codes so as to ship games to retail outlets (which is not interesting). Almost all of these jobs have required practically no expertise whatsoever, and I’ve often said to anyone within earshot that I perform the role of a 21st century drone. A monkey could be taught to do what I do, and to do it well. Hence… Button Pushing Monkey.

As luck would have it I’m also a frustrated screenwriter. Ever heard the saying about 100 monkeys typing at 100 typewriters for 100 years? Apparently 1 of them would eventually write something that passes for Shakespeare. And 6 would write workable scripts for Michael Bay films.


I’m the hundredth monkey, but by my reckoning I’ve still got roughly 70 years of typing to go. So I’m pacing myself.

And why write a blog at all? Like so many things in my life it seems to stem from spite. See, I dig reading other people’s blogs. Every so often you stumble across one that’s interesting, that presents a different point of view, or it’ll teach me a little somethin somethin. But my interest in the blog is more than outmatched by my enmity for the tweet. Lord, I hate Twitter. The only Tweets I had the slightest interest in were the infamous Christopher Walken account. When that was exposed as being set up by an impostor, a little piece of me died. My Walken died.

In my humble opinion, blogging is about ‘what do I think?’ Tweeting is most often concerned with ‘what am I doing?’ And I don’t really care what others are doing. Hell, I barely care about what I’m doing. I’m much more interested in the exchange of ideas, beliefs, theories and opinions than what someone ate for dinner, or if they’re walking their dog, or whatever other inane, self obsessed rubbish they can condense into 140 characters.

140 character or less that I can agree with

But I still feel the need to communicate. And as it turns out, I’m as self-obsessed and egotistical as the rest of the assholes pushing their own retarded agenda online. So I’m going with the lesser of two evils, in my mind at least.

So I pledge to you, the reader, to avoid detailing the utter blandness of my day-to-day here. I’ll regale you with ribald tales to the best of my meagre ability as often as I possibly can. And NO post shall ever be 140 characters or less.

What I hope to achieve out of this whole dealio, I really couldn’t tell you. Hopefully it should be enough just to see if the little things that run through my brain on a constant basis hold any interest for you guys. Hopefully…

But… you know… Diablo Cody, the Oscar-winning screenwriter of ‘Juno’ was discovered thanks to a blog she was writing whilst living deep in the heart of Minneapolis, Minnesota. Sure, her blog catalogued her life as a stripper / pop culture guru in plenty of graphic detail. And sure, her new agent only found her blog because he was googling the word ‘pussy’ whilst a porn-huntin late one night in his study. But it could happen again…

An inspiration to writers and erotic entertainers everywhere



Yours, at least until next week when he renames this blog ‘PussyTitsScreenwritingLesbians’,



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