Be vewy vewy quiet

Read in the news this morning that model / sports-guy-sexerer Lara Bingle had her car stolen overnight.

Her 2008 Vantage Coupe Aston Martin. Her $250,000 Aston Martin. The one that her fiance, Australian cricketer Michael Clarke, gave her as a gift, and that she’s previously admitted she has trouble driving because “it’s a heavy car”. You can tell she’s upset too, because she tweeted this morning “Aston GONE… KARMA” (note the caps for emphasis).

My heart BLEEDS.

For those who don’t know Lara Bingle, she was the face of Australia’s misguided ‘Where the Bloody Hell Are You?’ tourism campaign. And she’s… uhh… well she’s also done… hmm… she modeled for… err… she’s appeared on…

Look, she’s famous! Alright?!

That's not what we meant when we asked you to promote our all new, all comfortable pads Lara

According to news reports (yes, this actually qualifies as ‘news’) the car was stolen on Tuesday night from the parking garage below Bingle’s luxury 6th floor apartment in Sydney as she slept.

Police apparently have no leads, and are baffled by how the thieves managed to access the underground parking structure.

Why has this caught my attention?

All the articles I’ve read thus far make special mention of the ingenious nature of the crime, and it’s been inferred more than once how devious these guys must have been to out-wit, out-last and out-play Lara Bingle.

Are we thinking of the same Lara Bingle?

I’ve got news for you folks, it probably didn’t take a plan of ‘Oceans 11’ proportions to bypass the boundless intellect of a Speedos model.

Do those dead eyes haunt anyone else?

If I walked up to Lara Bingle after she parked said car on the street, pointed over her shoulder and said “Look over there for 20 seconds!”… would I end up with any less Aston Martin than these devilish crims?

Now, if you’ll excuse me I have to go work on my plan to steal Big Brother evictee / celebrity rack Krystal Forscutt’s credit cards. I’m thinking I approach her and say “Hi, do you mind if I borrow your credit cards?”

Failing that I call Casey Affleck, Scott Caan and that little Chinese acrobat to take things from there…

BPM

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