Headline of the week

TILA TEQUILA TWEETS ABOUT ‘UNBEARABLE PAIN’ OVER LOSING WIFEY

From USA Today

A close second on the same subject was:

COPS CALLED AS TILA TEQUILA, NICKY HILTON CLASH OVER CASEY JOHNSON’S DOGS

From E! Online

The Casey Johnson in question is the heiress to the ‘Johnson & Johnson’ pharmaceutical fortune who died on January 4th this year.

Johnson was one of those more-dollars-than-sense, ‘famous for being famous’ socialite types I admire so much. She’s never been front page news, and her recent passing would probably barely have raised a murmur…

But…

In December 2009 she announced that she was engaged to Tila Tequila, the nuttiest chocolate bar on the shelf.

Where's my headphones disinfectant?

A Tila Tequila bio in 25 seconds?

  • She’s predominantly known for her nude modeling and being the most viewed person on MySpace, circa 2006 (W00t! Right? Huh guys?).
  • She’s starred in a number of he own reality television shows, all of them batshit crazy.
  • She’s apparently also an author and a musician (in the same way that singing along to Stevie Wonder in the car and writing a postcard once qualify me as an author and musician I guess).
  • In September 2009 she accused her then-boyfriend of choking and restraining her. When police tried to record the fact she was drunk at the time she made these accusations, she told them this was impossible as she’s allergic to alcohol. Uhh… she’s not.
  • Soon after she released a series of streaming web-cam videos on the internet, where she becomes increasingly incoherent and less clothed. One featured her flashing her lady parts with a tampon still inserted. Then she removed said tampon. On camera. Seriously.
  • On December 20, 2009 she announced she was going to be a surrogate mother for her brother. Soon. Probably.

And amidst all that she still found time to wring a marriage proposal out of an increasingly fucked-up Casey Johnson. Multi-tasking, thy name is Tila.

Tequila has made headlines for all the right reasons again this past week for ‘tweeting’ as her beloved fiance was dying. Then after she was pronounced dead. And then pretty much constantly over the course of the following few days.

Now she’s caught in a Twitter flame-war with Perez Hilton whilst also fighting Johnson’s ex-BFF Nicky Hilton over custody of the deceased’s dogs.

Now causing more wars than religion.

“Classless”, cry the news reports. “Bizarre”, say numerous others.

Sigh.

Her stage name is Tila. Tequila. Say it out loud, people. We should really be shocked at a lack of propriety?

We’re talking about matters of class in regards to the lady that diddled herself on camera with a sanitary product.

We should just be thankful Tequila hasn’t used this ‘tragedy’ as a springboard to launch a new reality based show or series of webisodes. Say ‘Tila Needs New Poontang!’.

Or ‘Tequila Sunrise’, in which Tila must dupe another poor, drug-addled socialite to propose to her before dawn the following day. It’s a race against time! And probably herpes! It’s Must Watch TV!

Boom! You got a logo. Now where's my moneys?

All this may sound a tad cold perhaps. Casey Johnson was just 30; she was someone’s friend, someone’s daughter.

And someone’s publicity tool, in my opinion. I don’t want to question anyone’s grief at losing a loved one… if that grief is real. Tequila probably does miss her ‘wifey’ on some level. But when an attention-whore cries wolf, don’t be too surprised to find my sympathy lacking.

I’m gonna go spend some time with my wifey. Tweet ya later,

BPM

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