“Lohan fears leak of sex tape, putting on brave front”

A lady of refinement, a lady of grace...

Hmmm… why do I read this and think ‘putting on a brave front’ is actually a dirty, dirty euphemism?

Seems the release on the internet of a 47 second clip featuring LiLo and a mystery fella is imminent.

To read the news story, click here.

Some quick notes for ya Linds:

1. Whilst putting on a brave front about the indignity of a leaked sex-tape, perhaps it’s best not to go to major events in Los Angeles wearing a see-through blouse and no bra (see above).

2. It may also be best during this difficult time not to attend events such as a classy party for Vida, a new luxury sex toy. I’m just saying…

3. It may be difficult to pull off ‘shocked and disappointed’ about the release of a leaked sex-tape when it appears you actually have very little feeling left in your face. Why???

4. How ‘shocked and disappointed’ can you really be, considering the 47 second clip was recorded by a Waiter.

In a public bathroom.

At a chain restaurant.

If I’m LiLo and I schtup some random dude in the mens room at T.G.I.F’s, I could conceivably be upset that the video leaks to the internet. But shocked?

Try the Chicken Tenders! And Lindsay Lohan's vagina!

I does the math, and methinks this is just another desperate attempt at career revival via carefully orchestrated sex-tape.

Which is fine, I guess. I have no problem with watching celebrities fumble with one another’s junk whilst in a coke-addled haze. But after that chick from Gossip Girl’s ‘footjob’ video… well, the bar has been raised.

Here’s hoping Linday’s prepared to challenge herself and we at least get a Rusty Trombone or an Angry Pirate in this clip.

It’d be her most interesting performance since ‘Mean Girls’ at least…

BPM

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