Screw the Oscars, this is where you find REAL drama!

In a year at the movies so thin that Quentin Tarantino’s second worst film is actually a solid contender for ‘Best Picture’, I’m far more captivated by the Academy Awards sister ceremony… the Razzies.

Soon to be re-named "The Murphy's"

Naming and shaming the worst of the worst each year, the Razzie nominees have been announced for 2009, and they are as follows:

Worst Actor

  • Will Ferrell for ‘Land of the Lost’
  • Steve Martin for ‘Pink Panther 2’
  • Eddie Murphy for ‘Imagine That’
  • John Travolta for ‘Old Dogs’
  • and All 3 Jonas Brothers for ‘Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience’

Worst Actress

  • Beyonce Knowles for ‘Obsessed’
  • Sandra Bullock for ‘All About Steve’
  • Miley Cyrus for ‘Hannah Montana: The Movie’
  • Megan Fox for both ‘Transformers 2’ and ‘Jennifer’s Body’
  • and Sarah Jessica Parker for ‘Did You Hear About the Morgan’s?’

Worst Picture

  • ‘All About Steve’
  • ‘G.I Joe’
  • ‘Land of the Lost’
  • ‘Old Dogs’
  • and ‘Transformers 2’

You can do it, 'Old Dogs'!!!

Of greater interest is their ‘Worst of the Decade’ categories. In what’s probably not a huge surprise to most, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are scrag fighting for the title of ‘Worst Actress of the Decade’, as Mariah Carey has almost certainly eliminated herself with a foolishly credible supporting performance in ‘Precious’ this year.

‘Worst Actor of the Decade’ looks a dead heat between John Travolta and Eddie Murphy. For those who’ll point to Eddie’s Oscar nom for ‘Dreamgirls’ whilst telling you that he’s a comedic legend… well… this is just a few of Eddie’s gems released since the year 2000:

  • ‘Nutty Professor 2’
  • ‘Dr. Dolittle 2’
  • ‘Showtime’
  • ‘The Adventures of Pluto Nash’
  • ‘I Spy’
  • ‘Daddy Day Care’
  • ‘The Haunted Mansion’
  • ‘Norbit’
  • And ‘Meet Dave’.

By my reckoning poor Ed would have to release a ‘Delirious’ every year until 2023 to make up for that list.

And ‘Worst Picture of the Decade’ is almost certainly a 3 horse race between…

Winner of 8 Razzies in 2000

Winner of 7 Razzies in 2003

Winner of 8 Razzies in 2007

How do you even begin to choose?!? Travolta’s $100 million Scientology space epic? The Bennifer train-wreck yanked from cinemas after less than 3 weeks? Or the uber-weird LiLo vanity project that single-handedly torpedoed her film career?

Ahhh, God bless the Razzies… because ‘Avatar’ just might change the way we watch movies, but it’ll never EVER be as fun to watch drunk as ‘Battlefield Earth’.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the envelope please…

BPM

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