We don’t need a SMART President, we need a Jesus Reagan!

If you have all the folksy wisdom of a retarded 7-year-old child, clap your hands!

Sarah Palin has taken another step towards her inevitable run for the U.S Presidency by speaking at a convention known as the ‘Tea Party Movement’ in Nashville.

Nashville… OK, Monkey… breathe… cool down… let it all out…

She referred to the movement as a “second American revolution”, and spent much of her 45 minute speech mocking Barack Obama’s first year as President of the United States.

Question for Ms. Palin… uhh… after repeatedly referring to Obama as some kind of maleficent Socialist darkie sorcerer for the past 2 years, should you really be preaching about a ‘revolution’?

She also mentioned the Obama administration’s inability to stop the would-be Christmas Day plane bomber Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab from boarding a Detroit bound jet, then affording him the right to legal representation.

Uhh… aren’t you planning on representing the party whose President was in office when all those planes actually were hijacked on September 11, 2001?

“… We need a commander-in-chief, not a professor of law standing at the lectern… our President spent a year reaching out to hostile regimes, writing personal letters to dangerous dictators and apologizing for America and what do we have to show for that?”

Ms. Palin, you’re suggesting we need another retarded man-child as President rather than someone who completed law school? No? Ohhhhh, sorry… you meant we needed a retarded, game-huntin’ housewife instead of someone who’s read more than 1 book before. My bad.”

She then blasted Obama for reaching out to the U.S’s enemies, declaring that the bottom line of her plan, to paraphrase former president Ronald Reagan, was “we win, they lose”.

What? Oh nothing… I was just going to ask why you think it is every country around the world hates America and American’s right now, no biggie.

The crux of Palin’s ideas to rebuild America were immediate small business tax relief and spending on new energy projects – two measures already announced by Obama in the last 10 days. Oh yeah, that and God.

Jesus: born and raised in Tupelo, Mississippi

“We don’t have all the answers as fallible men and women so it would be wise for us to start seeking some divine intervention again in this country, so that we can be safe and secure and prosperous again”.

Look, I’m never going to advocate the use of violence by one human on another. But is there really no way we could train some kind of elite Alaskan hit-squad of Moose’s or Black Bear’s? If its Sarah’s predilection towards weaponry they’re worried about, I’ll personally pay for their body/antler armor.

Mark my words, there is a very good chance this woman will be a Presidential candidate in just a few years, which is as frightening as it is depressing.

Please disappear Sarah. In a kind and just world you’d have just as much chance of sitting in the Oval Office as the pituitary retard that knocked up your teenage daughter Bristol.

Levi Johnston for 2012!



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4 Responses to “We don’t need a SMART President, we need a Jesus Reagan!”

  1. Righteous Schimmelbusch Says:

    I have had a Palinotomy, and therefore can’t remember anything she has done previously – and I black out like River Phoenix in My Private Idaho every time I see/hear/read anything about her.

    It was $5000 well spent.

    The scar in my arsehole is not pretty to look at though.

  2. Righteous Schimmelbusch Says:

    Really?. I didn’t know that.

    It has definitely made felching more interesting.

    I can now charge $50 extra.

  3. Winona Greep Says:

    Can any Republicans who consider themselves brilliant explain how Bushes TARP was NOT Socialism? Can any of you tell me, irrespective of what your Party Articulates it believes in and has for however long, I should believe a single word of it after viewing continued deficit spending under your politicians? I let off Reagan from this – the Eastern Bloc needed to be crushed and I reckon he’s the only leader of the last fifty years who had a sensible excuse for it and as I see it we broke their backs economically. But since then?

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