John Mayer now wishes his genitals were color blind

Couldn’t let this go past without some mention…

Ironically, John's wang also sees the world purely in black & white. Bizarre...

John Mayer has ‘broken down in tears’ on stage in Nashville, Tennessee in the wake of ‘white supremacist doodle-gate’.

Mayer stopped playing mid-song to tell his band, “I fell into a wormhole of selfishness, greediness and arrogance. In the quest to be clever, forgot about the people who love me and that I love.”

For those not keeping score at home, Playboy published an interview with Mayer in their March edition where he described his penis as a white supremacist. The exact comment, when asked about whether black women throw themselves at him was, “I don’t think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick“.


Unfortunately, John has long been walking a tightrope of douchebaggery, using nought to balance himself but an overwhelmingly smug belief in his own intelligence, wit and ‘outrageous’ sense of humor. He was bound to fall eventually.

Incidentally, medical researcher’s are naming this condition ‘DaneCookitis’. It’s not uncommon among male celeb’s aged 20-35. Hell, going from this blog you could make a pretty strong case I’m an undiagnosed ‘sufferer’ myself. The only symptom I’m missing is excessive ‘Tweeting’.

I asked a pal, Joe, how it could be that John Mayer is so obviously an idiot, and yet has managed to sleep with Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Love-Hewitt and Jessica Simpson. His reply? “Come on, can you name three women any whiter than that group?”

He’s got a point.

So, without further ado, our white hoods are off to you, Johnny. What better tribute can I offer than a musical one?

To the tune of ‘Waiting on the World to Change’, I give you the alt lyrics Mayer originally toyed with.


Me and my Little Friend

We’re both misunderstood

Seems we won’t ‘stand’ for colored’s

There’s no way we ever could

My dick sees every girl that cross my path

As another chance to feed it

But you know if she ain’t white

I’d rather go home alone and beat it

So I keep waiting

Waiting on my Wang to change

We keep on waiting

Waiting on my Wang to change

It’s hard to meet a black chick

When there’s a klan hood on your white dick

So I keep waiting

Waiting for my Dong to change

Now if I had the power

To make J. Simpson a whore

I’d name her vagina ‘Sexual Napalm’

Pay 10 G just to have some more

You’ve seen Aniston on television

Rachel was pretty hot

And when I got her white ass all alone

Oh, then I tapped it all I want

But I’m still waiting

Waiting on my Cock to change

There’ll be no variety

While I’m waiting on my Cock to change

I know it don’t seem fair

But my racist balls don’t seem to care

So I keep waiting

Waiting on my Rod to change

I’m still waiting

Waiting for my Schlong to change

We keep on waiting waiting on my Dork to change

One day my genitalia

Wont believe racial diversity’s a failure

That’s why I’m waiting

Waiting on my Bone to change

We keep on waiting

Waiting on my Penis to change

Did I miss my calling in life?



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4 Responses to “John Mayer now wishes his genitals were color blind”

  1. Righteous Schimmelbusch Says:

    My penis is deadlier than a six-shooter. Hang your hat on that John Mayer. Although, in a parallel universe, our penises would probably get on quite well.

    • buttonpushingmonkey Says:

      My penis is not a white supremacist unfortunately.

      However there are still ongoing issues within my drawers. Both my testicles are male, and as such all they want are the same basic rights afforded to more hetero couplings.

  2. Benjamin the Donkey Says:

    Perhaps that’s what Hitler was on about with his outstretched arm salute – what greater respect could one demonstrate for his Führer than to show him that he makes your roger jolly.

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