Channel 9, and how to cross-promote a dead horse

You have to take your hat off to Channel 9. Just when you thought you were safe from their inane cross-promotion because cricket season is finally over, along comes the 2010 Winter Olympics.

Case in point: KD Lang and the song ‘Hallelujah’.

Lang sang a moving rendition of the Leonard Cohen classic during the Games’ opening ceremony. And now Channel 9 feel the need to wheel it out whenever and wherever humanly possible (gotta make snow while the sun shines, I guess).

First they decided the song was suitable for a montage set to footage of the finalists in the ice dancing. Fair enough I guess.

Her loincloth & gum leaf outfit overthrew you...

Then when interviewing golden girl Lydia Lassila, someone came up with the bright idea of editing together some emotional clips of Lydia, her husband and support team celebrating her victory in the Women’s Aerials.

A double twisting somersault is not a victory march...

Umm… sure…

And now, just because they can, the same once-moving piece of music has been laid over the top of teaser clips of Channel 9’s post-Olympic slate of programs for 2010. Programs like:

But now you never show your lizard face to me, do you?

‘V’, a sci-fi re-make about a planetary invasion of alien beings out to eat alllllll da humans…

She tied you to a kitchen chair, flashed her bum then shot your Mum...

‘Underbelly 3: The Golden Mile’, the third installment in the ultra-violent, gritty drama series about Australia’s criminal underworld, and…

The horror's too much for me to even attempt a play on the lyrics here

The return of ‘Hey Hey it’s Saturday!’

What. The fuck.

Now, I can’t be certain of course, but I’m guessing when Cohen wrote this particular number, he didn’t have Red Faces or Plucka FUCKING Duck in mind!

For the love of God, Channel 9, PLEASE stop pimping your hundreds of dumb frigging shows hosted by Shelley Craft and Jules Lund, and focus on doing a semi-reasonable job of the show I’m watching right now, you assholes!

It starts here, people. Because it’s only a matter of time before Sarah McLachlan is used to promote season 27 of ‘Farmer Wants a Wife’, and Jeff Buckley becomes the soundtrack to another suburban rescue on ‘Backyard Blitz’ because his songs sound pretty. Hell, they could even use his version of ‘Hallelujah’!

I’m gonna quit now before I give PBL Media any more ideas.



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