Would you like to add “Philosophical Quandary” as a friend?

I care enough to left-click on you...

About friendship, or more accurately what I guess you’d call the value of cyber-friendship.

Is a friend you’ve made on the internet, or that you only communicate with via the internet, truly a friend, at least in the traditional sense of the word?

Are the majority of my Facebook friends actually friends at all? Or are they merely acquaintances that were momentarily interested in me enough to click once on my profile to see how fat I got since High School?

I’ve seen peeps on social networking sites like Facebook or Twitter who have hundreds upon hundreds of ‘friends’ or ‘followers’. Why? You can’t possibly devote any time to most of them. So why become a ‘friend’ in the first place? Is it just curiosity? Is it a sense of pride in establishing such an extensive social network, even if it’s comprised of people you don’t give a shit about? Is it some kind of competition no one let me in on? I always thought you ‘made’ a friend, you didn’t ‘add’ him…

Seems to me I’m just intellectually stuck on a word/concept that doesn’t mean much anymore.

Still… a hypothetical scenario for you all:

You go on to Facebook and count the number of ‘friends’ you currently have (my total sits at 125). You send a group message to every one of these friends, and within this message you tell them you need all of them to give you 1 dollar. You don’t explain why, only that it’s essential that they please urgently send it via a PayPal link you throw up there or something.


After 1 week… how many of those people do you think will have paid the dollar? Yes, I realize we’re still on the tail-end of a financial crisis, but I’m not asking people to break the bank (at least I don’t think I am).

My test of true friendship: it costs less than a newspaper

What percentage of the people on that list would pay up do you think??? How many of these associates feel you’re worth giving pocket change to? I don’t need their money – the dollar itself would just be the symbol of a small level of effort or commitment to whatever relationship it is that we share.


Have I inadvertently stumbled upon some kind of simple yet ultimately effective fiscal and mathematical experiment to determine how many people on these lists you could actually call a friend?

Probably not. There’d be too many extenuating circumstances, too many uncontrollable variables that would enter the equation.

I might have found a way to make a quick 13 or 14 bucks though.

So at the end of the day there are no losers really … except for my ongoing sense of self-loathing and paranoia.

Awwwwwww... the kitties make me feel better. The best friendship/pussy joke in the comments section wins a prize

Until next time, remember that old 21st century adage: keep your friends close and your frenemies even closer.



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5 Responses to “Would you like to add “Philosophical Quandary” as a friend?”

  1. Righteous Schimmelbusch Says:

    You have friends?
    You have 125 friends?
    You know what a Facebook is?
    You know what a Paypal is?

    This is not writing, this is mass culture voyeurism – as in, I wonder what would happen if……..

    If you are so sure of this theory, will you be undertaking the task – or will you be daring those who trip over your blog to fulminate on your behalf while you maintain your gentlemanly demeanor.

    Is this your thesis for your masters in psychology, but you’re just too tired from a hectic Saturday morning of chiclet TV, so you came up with this cunning plan for delegating your life?

    Then, there’s the whole concept of never lending money to friends if you want them to still be friends. Didn’t Moses say that?. No, he was something about water. What abut Gandhi?. I don’t know, someone said it.

    I give money to homeless people.
    I give money to the guy I score weed off
    i give money to fetish boutiques
    I give money to the local tractor dealer when buying fucking expensive clutch replacements.
    I give money to Krispee Kreme after smoking said weed
    I give money to UFC to watch Brock Lesnar ruin my day

    Are you saying that if I don’t give money to faceless, temporary, cyber buddies who ask randomly for suspiciously small amounts of money, requests that come with no reason/rationale at all – that I have blundered into your sneaky sociological experiment?

    Damn you monkey man.

    However, if you add – giving me this dollar will make you young, beautiful and rich, I’m in.

    I don’t say that scornfully, there are worse things to want to be. As I always say – never mind the size, just feel the price.

    Are you sure you’re not a Scientologist?

    p.s. I like kittens too. They’re funny.

  2. Righteous Schimmelbusch Says:

    p.s. give me a dollar

  3. Liv Says:

    “Why do Gingers feel they have to smother everything”

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