Orson’s back from the dead… with new added Christmas spirit!

Welles eye-fucks to death the foolish sound recordist who asked for a little more 'oomph' on the next take.

I bought myself some light reading on the weekend, a novel called ‘Me & Orson Welles’, so when I saw this story the very next day it grabbed my attention.

Hollywood trades are reporting that special FX studio Drac Studios is developing a hybrid live-action/CG animation film based on the children’s book ‘Christmas Tails’. The story revolves around a sick reindeer making Santa contemplate canceling Xmas, until a group of plucky dogs save the day and restore yuletide spirit.

Unremarkable news, I’ll grant you. What made me pay attention was the fact that the story will be narrated by Orson Welles. The same Orson Welles who died almost 25 years ago, on October 10th, 1985.

Apparently Welles recorded a reading of the book in 1985, following which the reels were left on a shelf to gather dust. They’ve only now been dragged out for Orson’s triumphant return to the silver screen.

For those not too familiar with the work of Orson Welles, he’s the megalomaniacal genius responsible for ‘Citizen Kane’. It’s the movie every cinema studies student will tell you they’ve been told is the greatest film of all time. No foolsies. Unfortunately his was a career that could only be all downhill from there, despite another great film, ‘The Magnificent Ambersons’, and several memorable acting turns including this classic speech from ‘The Third Man’:

It all ended in perhaps the most ignominious fashion possible… Orson’s last role was as one of the voice actors in ‘The Transformers: The Movie’ in 1986.

Here’s a 4 minute refresher course on a film only marginally worse than it’s live-action counterpart:

Perhaps ‘Christmas Tails’ isn’t the right film to send-off one of the greatest directors of all time (and a pretty decent actor too). But it can’t be any worse than an animated 90 minute toy commercial, can it?

Can it?

Though I promise you now… if somehow ‘Christmas Tails’ ALSO features Stan Bush singing ‘The Touch’, then I hereby vow to pay my hard-earned at the box office to farewell the great man in style.

Welcome back to Hollywood, Mr. Welles,



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2 Responses to “Orson’s back from the dead… with new added Christmas spirit!”

  1. Leo Says:

    That’s it Monkey…

    I can sit here and let you bad mouth every subject under the sun.. but there’s 3 things I draw the line on.. And one of them is Transformer cartoons/cartoon movies pre 1986… (You’ll discover the others when you inevitably destroy other momuments of my childhood)

    When Optimus leaps and single handed takes out every freaken Decepticon MID backflip, tell me even your black heart didn’t tingle a little.. As an 8 year old, that was the single greatest moment in cinematic history, marginally beating out the first time a 5 year old caught glimpse of an AT-AT walker and thought it was the scariest thing he’d ever seen..

  2. buttonpushingmonkey Says:

    The greatest moment of your childhood was the death of mine, Leo.

    Hasbro had Optimus Prime killed off purely so they could launch their next line of toys, but for 6 year old Monkey it was the first time the idea of mortality and the inevitability of death smacked me square across my Megatron.

    Fook you, Transformers: The Movie!!! Fooooooooook Yooooooooooouuuu!

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