We believe in the freedom to scare as many children as we want!

In case you’ve forgotten the reason why we just had a long weekend, the Heaven on Earth church in Norlane, Victoria has taken the necessary steps to remind us all the true meaning of Easter…

A tortured, gore covered, semi-naked Carpenter shrieking in agony as he’s nailed to a piece of wood.

Yeah!!! Fuck you, Easter Bunny!

The Christian group decided it would be awesome to stage a crucifixion re-enactment this Saturday.

In public.

In a busy shopping mall.

In front of children.

Their blood-splattered Christ was reportedly bringing passing children to tears, until police moved in and requested the demonstration be stopped. Heaven on Earth pastor Crazy McNutballs (OK, it was Sarah Kenneally) was quick to complain that such an act breached their religious freedom. They were merely conducting a “silent reminder” of the true meaning of Easter, and in no way did Kenneally feel they were preaching to people.

“We’re not doing it just so Christians can come and have a look at it, we’re doing it to get the message out, that’s what this is about. The Bible tells us to go and tell the world about Jesus. It doesn’t say to stay in a church and hope that everyone will turn up there because they won’t.”

Next year they plan to run a similar event in a public place, but may tone down the blood element. Not because it’s the right thing to do, but because the public demands it.

What to say…

I’ll let you make up your own minds as to whether this was a smart way to remind people of Christ’s sacrifice for mankind.

What I WILL say is that you just know that it’s ultra-conservative Pastor’s like Sarah Kenneally who’ll say they don’t think small children were shocked or scared of the half-naked, gore caked Christ-a-like 5 feet in front of them, BUT, she’ll be one of the first to say violence and nudity in the mainstream media is corrupting the youth of today.

See what I did there? I made an assumption on what another group of people believed, and then I made a tangential link to force my opinions down your throat! That was so easy!


Heaven on Earth church, here I come.



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10 Responses to “We believe in the freedom to scare as many children as we want!”

  1. Benjamin the Donkey Says:

    A few tormented children is a small price to pay for free media coverage and advertising … I mean … for spreading the true meaning of Easter.

  2. Reverend Rory Lennon Says:

    I would like to address your comments.
    I am the senior minister of Heaven on Earth ministries, that Pastor Sarah is a part of and we are amazed that such ignorance of certain facts exists in a so called educated society, especially as is seen here by the various uninformed opinions.
    Firstly, there were no crying children, you, like many in the world, simply took what you were told, by media, and have commented on an inaccurate report simply because it suited you and your views, hardly scientific approach is it?
    Secondly, No one was charged or arrested, in fact the police apologised to us for their officers inappropriate behaviour, as he ignored the need to show his identification or inform us at the outset of his intentions as is required by law here in Australia.
    Thirdly, you have missed the point of this event, simply because you want certain historical facts to go away, as they dont agree with your worldview. These facts are as follows; Jesus Christ shed His blood, not to make people happy or please any one set of beliefs or groups, but rather as the example of what it takes to really stand up for your beliefs in an otherwise unforgiving world, second the voluntary sacrifice of ones life in a right or noble cause, no matter how much the wowsers of preceding generations may see you, is sometimes the price one has to pay to stand for what is right or true, please note, i am not condoning violence to others, but willingness to give yourself for your beliefs. Just go to the graveyards of all our soldiers who gave their lives in WW1 and WW2 fighting tyranny and insanity as Hitler represented and belittle their sacrifice as you are doing here of Jesus, it simply demonstrates your own shortsighted and selfish lifestyle, focused only on your own narcissitic self absorption.
    Lastly, you enjoy the very right to voice your opinions here simply because you do indeed live in a Judeo Christian society and if you were to remove EVERY trace of Christianity and it’s morale system as Jesus lived it out, your country would fast become one hell hole on earth, with everyman for himself, doing what seems right to him, because there are no consequences to your actions if there is no standard to judge by!
    Thank you for your time and honest consideration
    Yours in Christ’s service
    Reverend Rory Lennon
    senior minister
    Heaven on Earth Apostolic Life Ministries (Australia)

    • Skeptical Says:

      “These facts are as follows”? Facts according to you, maybe. And just because he disagrees with you doesn’t make him narcissitic. Anyway, there’s no sense in arguing with you. It’s not like you’ll ever see it from anyone elses point of view, so it’s a waste of time to enter into debate.

      And just for the record, some would say that Christianity, and indeed religion as a whole, HAS made the earth a hell hole. More people have died in the name of Christianity than have in any World War. So excuse me if I find your statements laughable.

      • buttonpushingmonkey Says:

        No Kath, what the good Reverend believes is that because I don’t believe in practicing faith in the same way that he does, then I hate Jesus.

        And for the record, I’m not narcissistic because I disagree with HOE. I’m narcissistic because I’m a vain, self-obsessed ego maniac. You’ve met me, you can vouch for this, yes?

  3. An open letter to Reverend Lennon « The Button Pushing Monkey Says:

    […] very much for your reply to my column about the whole ‘public mock crucifixion’ brouhaha in Norlane last […]

  4. Lyvvie Says:

    I’d like to test the reverend’s theory. Let’s live in a society completely devoid of all religion for a while and see how it is. Otherwise you’re just making baseless assumptions. We’ll keep the police, the laws, the courts but remove all reference and seeking to pacify a supernatural being from society. Go on, I dare you.

    Also, there were complaints made to the police about upset children and the media was reporting that. They even had a quote from the mother. Are they all lying? Is it possible that there was a crying child that you did not see? You don’t see God but are certain he exists, why not a child being upset by a moaning, bloody Jesus?

    I also think it was a scandal the police felt they owed your church an apology. The police were doing their job and responding to complaints by the public.

    I would love to know, did the HOE Ministries have to get a permit for the demonstration?

    • buttonpushingmonkey Says:

      Hey Lyvvie! The good Rev managed to also offer a follow-up quote to media outlets (I wonder… if I use a quote that he made to the media, am I allowing myself to be manipulated by the lying bastards again, as he initially suggested? Food for thought…).

      “”I don’t think you can have a crucifixion display without some sort of display of suffering,” he said. “My six-year-old and three-year-old understand it. Kids don’t understand Anzac Day, but we don’t need to shut that down.”

      Now, I may be a pretty sheltered individual, but I’m yet to see the Anzac Day commemoration where we let children watch as mock-Diggers, covered in explosive squibs, pretend to indulge in trench warfare, only to be mowed down in a torrent of fake blood and viscera by papier-mache machine gun’s.

      Sadly, as Kath suggests, I think to attempt a calm, even-handed debate as to what HOE view as irrefutable fact, and what would happen in a world without religion would probably be THE definition of futility.

  5. Benjamin the Donkey Says:

    It is also often forgotten, amid the shopping and Santa Claus tales, that the historical context for Christmas was Herod’s decision to kill all toddlers because he felt threatened by the birth of a new king. Hence Mary and Joseph’s need to flee.

    I now greatly look forward to Heaven on Earth Church’s Christmas pageant where screaming children will be chased down the street by armed Roman soldiers. Lest we forget.

    • buttonpushingmonkey Says:

      Because it’s important that our children watch other children being brutally murdered, so as to truly understand the meaning of Christmas.

      Forget that claymation Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, where’s the ‘Death to all Toddlers’ Rankin/Bass TV Christmas Special?

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