Who could have seen this coming?

What do you mean this isn't Carl Williams?!?

Australia was rocked yesterday by the news that notorious Melbourne criminal Carl Williams was brutally murdered at the high security Barwon Prison.

And by ‘rocked’, I mean vaguely surprised. Almost.

I’ll admit my initial reaction was “Oh… But… who will the teenage wannabe gangsters in Broadmeadows emulate now?!?”. Then I realized how callous and unnecessarily cruel it was of me to forget the other kiddy-thugs in Sunshine, Deer Park, St. Albans… all MY old stomping grounds. So my condolences go out to them, also.

It’s impressive how much Melbournian’s feel like they knew who Carl Williams was, thanks of course to ‘Underbelly’ and the exhaustive reporting of his every waking moment by the media. Channel 9 even screened an episode of ‘Australia’s Criminal Families’ last night (hosted by Vince Colosimo, natch), under the auspices of it being a career retrospective of Carl’s, I guess. Pretty savvy.

Nuthin like a lil prison murder to help with cross-promotion. Now if only 9 exec's can figure out how to kill off Jackie McDonald for Hey Hey...

For the record, my only link to Carl Williams (besides my closet party-drug empire, of course) is that I served him in the DVD store I managed in Airport West many years back. This was at the height of Melbourne gangland paranoia, when he was on the cover of tabloid newspapers every second day. All I remember is a tubby man with tipped hair who walked around the shopping centre like he owned half the world, and had the other half on lay-by.

And no, I can’t remember what he bought, only that it probably wasn’t a copy of ‘Flubber’.

A picture of the infamous failed hit on Robin Williams-Moran

Williams’ death, to me, has just confirmed my suspicion that there are certain individuals that major newspapers, magazines, etc, have to have pre-written obituaries for. It may be because of the potential corpses age, illness, or personal situation, but it’s gotta happen, right? You don’t want to be caught on the back foot when Lindsay Lohan O.D’s in Brentwood, so you fill in all the pertinent details now now now!

That being said, do you think you could have written the Carl Williams obit word for word the same day that he became an inmate at Barwon Prison in 2007? Try this on for size;

Carl Williams, (insert age) was found dead this (morning/afternoon) at Barwon Prison in Victoria. The notorious gangland figure was found (beaten/stabbed/strangled/raped) to death in the prison yard by a fellow inmate at approximately (insert time). Officials tried to revive him, but he was pronounced dead at the scene.

Insert background information poached from previously written articles, and voila!

It’s never nice to revel in the death of another human being. However when that human being may be one of the single worst mass-murderer’s in Australia’s history… well… then… who’s really losing any sleep?


We’ve lost Carl Williams, everybody. BUT, we may have gained some more quality television drama…

Tell me there's not a likeness there

Every cloud has a silver lining, after all.



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