Who knew Job was the 5th Baldwin brother?

And yes, I meant Job of the Bible, not Gob of the Bluth.

This is one of these websites that you’re sure has to be fake, and yet somehow it’s not…

The Restoration of Stephen Baldwin

Stephen's on the right. I think that's Daniel Baldwin on the left.

That’s right, folks. America’s 2nd (maybe even 3rd) favorite Baldwin needs YOUR help.

Seems Steve Baldwin has fallen on hard hard times the past few years. This’d be why he’s ‘starring’ on shit like ‘Celebrity Big Brother’ in the U.K.

And why the website feels the need to compare him to Job. Lots.

For realsies.

I don’t know my Bible so well (as you may have picked up from this blog), but didn’t Job go through some more serious shit than just not getting any good acting parts after ‘The Usual Suspects’?

And Kev Spacey? He's like a gay, super-cool Joseph. Capiche?

The Baldwinites argue that when Stevey became a born again Christian, his career opportunities dried up, which was directly responsible for him claiming bankruptcy in 2009.

So you’re asking “But Monkey, what can I possibly do to help turn Steve’s life around?” Money, stupid! Give lots! See, it all revolves around ‘token gifting’. If only 10% of Christians in the U.S, on the planet, heck, just in this galaxy gave a token gift… what would that tell the world about Christianity? Huh?

Not sure they really want to hear my answer to that question.

I’m going to posit the theory that maybe there are more worthwhile causes for well-meaning Christians than resurrecting the career of the dude in ‘Bio-dome’ that wasn’t Pauly Shore.

Which makes one think…

I’m going to donate my hard-earned to the Restoration of Pauly Shore movement. Because what the world truly needs right now is the return of The Weasel.

For Pauly loved the world so much that he made shit like ‘Son-in-Law’…

BPM

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