Archive for May, 2010

Facebook – Bringing People Together Since ’05

May 31, 2010

There’s truly nothing like an internet-fueled pretend celebration.

So with that in mind I can barely wait for this Thursday, June 3rd. Because Facebook has reliably informed me that Thursday is…

HUG A HALF ASIAN DAY!

But which half do I hug?

Awesome. I’m all for multiculturalism. Especially if it gives me some tangential reason to break out THIS song:

But be warned…

Did you know that if you hug a half Asian… you become a half Asian?!?!?

Ponder that, bitches.

BPM

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Dennis Hopper & Gary Coleman: A Duel-ogy

May 31, 2010

More sad news over the weekend, when in the space of 48 hours we learned of the deaths of Gary Coleman and Dennis Hopper.

Gary Coleman

Coleman was obviously most famous for his role as Arnold on 80’s TV sitcom ‘Diff’rent Strokes’. In subsequent years the child star led an oftentimes troubled life, and died on Friday from a brain hemorrhage which was the result of an accidental fall in his kitchen at home. Coleman was 42, and is survived by his wife Shannon Price

Dennis Hopper

Hopper was easily one of Hollywood’s most colorful identities. A legendary bad boy, Hopper is still most famous for his role in the brilliant film ‘Easy Rider’ (which he also wrote and directed). Hopper was an actor, director, writer, producer, as well as being an accomplished photographer and artist. Married 5 times over the course of his life, Hopper was 74 when he succumbed to complications from prostate cancer on Saturday.

What struck me in the aftermath of each death was how comparable the degree of media coverage was for both men, and that were you to base your opinion solely on Google trending and social networking sites over the past few days you’d most likely be convinced that it was Coleman who was the bigger star of the two by far.

I’ll grant you that Gary Coleman was an 80’s icon. But then so were Cyndi Lauper, Boy George and Mr. T.

Yes, that really IS Mr. T & Gary Coleman. Glory Days, they'll pass you by...

See, THIS is my favorite Dennis Hopper moment:

And THIS is probably my favorite Gary Coleman moment (at least now it is, predominantly because I’m a cruel, hateful little man with an overdeveloped irony gland):

I don’t want to denigrate the memory of Gary Coleman. Nostalgia has its place in life, sure, and the dude obviously overcame his share of obstacles in life to become a household name (at least for a while). But as a self-professed movie tragic, it pains me just a little when I see Arnold treated with more reverence than a man who influenced cinema as much as Dennis Hopper.

It’s nothing new, sadly. Hopper finally received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame this March… wow. Only 7 years after David Spade received one.

To be fair, he WAS pretty awesome in 'Eurotrip'... wait... whattya mean that wasn't David Spade?!?

And no, Coleman doesn’t have a star, yet. But I’m sure that in a world where we can honor Shrek with Hollywood immortality, Coleman will definitely receive one posthumously.

But were his contributions to the zeitgeist really that significant?

To put it in to context, which would you prefer as your epitagh?

Iconic, Oscar-winning writer and actor who appeared in films including ‘Rebel Without a Cause’, ‘Giant’, ‘True Grit’, ‘Easy Rider’, ‘Apocalypse Now’, ‘Hoosiers’, ‘Blue Velvet’, ‘True Romance’ and ‘Speed’…

Or

“Whatchu talkin about, Willis?”

Hmm…

Life’s all about the tough decisions…

BPM

Sweet dreams are made of this

May 29, 2010

What’s that? You wanna be the coolest kid at your next sleepover? Well now, you can be!

Thanks to your very own…

‘Star Wars’ themed Tauntaun Sleeping Bag!

That’s right! Because nothing says comfort like crawling into the disemboweled belly of your shaggy ride from Hoth.

I know, I know... if I had kids I wouldn't let this guy near them either.

Bonus points to the inimitable Chutson for being the first person I showed this to who correctly responded with:

And I thought they smelled bad… on the outside…

And don’t forget kids, coming soon – the all new Chewbacca Personal Grooming Kit!

Sorry, but I HAD to find a way to include this picture. You understand, right?

Because sometimes even a Wookiee likes to look like he’s made an effort.

BPM

Were-wait… what?

May 27, 2010

It’s not easy to choose, but I’m gonna say my favourite line is “We’re not a gang. Gang’s are posers, they just want attention“.

To say that with a completely straight face whilst wearing a tail… ohhhh, to be young again…

I hope you’re happy, Stephenie Meyer.

BPM

Sex & The City 2 – Who’s our target audience again?

May 26, 2010

Interesting to see that Carrie Bradshaw can somehow still create controversy…

All that sand, but where's the camel(toe)?

‘Sex & The City 2’ opens in cinemas worldwide next week, and early reviews have been pretty scathing about one specific aspect of the narrative:

This movie, it seems, is anti-Muslim.

The Hollywood Reporter was one of the first to denounce the film as being incredibly offensive. Hadley Freeman from the UK ‘Daily Mailwrote, “Not since 1942’s Arabian Nights has orientalism been portrayed so unironically. All Middle Eastern men are shot in a sparkly light with jingly jangly music just in case you didn’t get that these dusky people are exotic and different“.

I’m sure there’s some flimsy reason for the girls to travel to Abu Dhabi for their Cosmopolitan’s, and I can totally see how a scene involving local women casting aside their burqa for a pair of Manolo Blahnik’s and the latest couture might be construed as not especially racially sensitive.

But seriously…

Dem. O. Graphics. Look it up.

I’m sure after the movie grosses $100+ million opening week, Michael Patrick King will be devastated about all the money that they’ve lost by not catering to the Muslim audience.

Bear in mind we’re talking about the same franchise that featured one token black woman in the original film. Jennifer Hudson acted as Carrie’s assistant, gratefully accepted her hand me down’s, and left the big city to return home to the ol’ South by movie’s end… Hmmmmm…

A three-dimensional Muslim character will turn up eventually… but they’ll probably have to come up with a fully fleshed out Black, Asian and/or male character first.

Enjoy your girls night out, ladies…

BPM

WAT IS LIFE?

May 26, 2010

It’s a question we’ve all asked ourselves at some point or another.

Maybe Steven’s just thinking a little deeper than the rest of us…

courtesy of Lamebook

Perhaps before Steven delves any further into fields such as philosophy, theology, spirituality and metaphysics, he could do himself a favour and turn CAPS lock off.

Please?

BPM

Getting to the (front)bottom of things…

May 24, 2010

Finally, we can all sleep at night once again, for it has been CONCLUSIVELY PROVEN that Lady Gaga… has a hoohoo.

Lady Gaga w/ Lady Junk

After a “close encounter” with a rock journalist in the bathroom of a Berlin sex club, all our greatest fears can now and forever be laid to rest. The journalist in question, female tabloid writer Caitlin Moran, watched Gaga sit down and piss through her fish net tights.

With a vagina.

Damn… just as we were about to drag Leonard Nimoy out of retirement for a special presentation of ‘In Search Of…’

I’m sure this news will spark a plague of horny Googler’s searching several variants of LADY GAGA PUSSY VAG BERLIN SEX, in the desperate hope that Miss Moran has some photographic proof to back up her journalistic integrity.

Worry not, sad and pathetic gents. Because if we know Gaga at all, then we can be sure that if she wasn’t getting someone to film this whole retarded spectacle as it happened, we’ll at least get a dramatic re-creation in her next film clip.

Start preparing that blur effect NOW, Video Hits…

BPM

Breaking News: Simon Monjack found dead

May 24, 2010

Monjack with Murphy

Brittany Murphy’s widow, the funky, British, seemingly Rasputin-like Simon Monjack, was reportedly found dead today from a suspected heart attack.

He was 39.

It’s never nice to dance on anyone’s grave… so in this instance said dancing will be performed by all those animated penguins Monjack was so desperate to sue.

Hopefully he wasn’t as bad a dude as I suspected him of being, based purely upon second-hand gleanings. Perhaps his wife’s loss meant his heart ceased to truly beat months ago. It can now finally rest, beside her, forever.

One can hope.

BPM

Pixels

May 23, 2010

As always, I’m at least a week or two behind the times…

But if you haven’t seen Patrick Jean’s gorgeous short film ‘PIXELS’ yet, then check it out.

This sucker went viral fast, and Adam Sandler’s production company ‘Happy Madison’ has already bought the rights for a possible feature adaptation.

Awesome.

BPM

How could ‘Transformers 3’ get any worse, you ask?

May 22, 2010

Seems Megan Fox is officially history, and now this mentally deficient blow-up doll has put her hand up for the role of Shia’s love interest…

The song title says it all, really.

And how do we know she’s even interested? Check out her carefully crafted, oh so subtle tweet here.

Cos what those movies really need is a woman even more artificial-looking than a whole army of transforming robots.

Michael Bay works in mysterious ways…

BPM