Eat a Dick, Channel 7 Promo Team!

Or, an alternate title:

AN IDIOT ARGUES FOR TRUTH IN TELEVISION ADVERTISING, AGAIN

'The Pacific' - Part X

With the final episode of ‘The Pacific’ set to air this week, those responsible at Channel 7 for the teaser commercial have once again eschewed logic and instead decided to use their 30 second spot to hint at storylines for the show that never happened.

Example?

James Leckie (played by James Badge Dale) is one of the three soldiers the series has followed exclusively. In the brilliant ‘Part 3’ ep, Leckie, whilst stationed in Melbourne circa ’43, hooks up with a local good Greek girl, Stella (played by Claire Van Der Boom). They share a brief romance, until she tells him they can no longer see one another anymore. Neither Stella nor her parents would be able to cope with his almost inevitable death in combat, so its best they end things now before they become any more serious. A hurt Leckie leaves, hits the bottle, and departs Melbourne forever.

What Channel 7 would have you believe however in several subsequent weeks was that this romance might be re-visited. They even hinted by voiceover (along with carefully edited images) that Leckie would have to make some kind of choice between two women… Stella, and famous American actress Virginia Grey.

Just for the record... were I Leckie... I'd a picked Claire.

Trouble is that Virginia only appears extremely briefly in a single episode, in a sequence set back in the United States. A sequence that never involved Leckie in any way, shape or form.

THIS WEEK, the voiceover intones that with the war finally over, those lucky enough to survive return home, forever changed. Who knows what the future may hold? Perhaps… (and I’m paraphrasing slightly here)… even a return to Australia…

Click here to see what I’m talking about.

Bullshit. I. Call. BULLSHIT.

I’ve watched the final episode. Twice.

WARNING: HERE THERE BE SPOILERS…

Melbourne doesn’t play any part in the final episode. It didn’t play a part in any episode after American troops left Australia. But, as we’re told (wink wink) perhaps Melbourne will come in to play, images of the soldiers reception in Melbourne flickers, as do multiple scenes involving Isabel Lucas (she hooked up with an American soldier whilst he was here, you see).

Isabel Lucas doesn’t figure in this episode. The soldier she hooked up with does, sure… he’s marrying a local gal back home in Mobile, Alabama.

The only plot-centric Australia reference comes when another troop we have not much emotional investment in, Burgin, talks about a woman he met back in Melbourne so many years ago now. With the war over, he hopes she’ll come to the States to meet him so they can be married. But it’s not a woman, or a relationship, we’ve ever witnessed on-screen. And sure enough, they do get married, but we only learn this via a title shown on-screen during the epilogue.

Leckie never sees Stella again. He returns to New Jersey, becomes a journalist/writer, and marries the young woman who lives across the street that he’s pined for his entire life.

I’ll say it again. Bull. Shit.

I enjoyed the series, like a lot of people perhaps not as much as ‘Band of Brothers’. It was grittier, even more depressing and bereft of hope in a way. I can understand why Channel 7 perhaps felt the need to imbue some of their teasers with romantic elements, to try to lure an audience beyond just male 15-60 year old war enthusiasts.

But don’t, Don’t, DON’T presume to re-write story with your shitty advertising. You cheat your audience, create expectations that are never paid off, and betray the intent of the writers, directors and producers.

And if you DO insist on doing this, why not just go hog-wild? Give me teaser commercials where after Hiroshima, Godzilla is awoken and the Marines must return to Peleliu to try to bring him down.

War in the Pacific - this shit just got REAL!

Give me Emperor Hirohito turning in to an enormous Transformer who attacks Pearl Harbour once again.

Give me Eugene ‘Sledge’ Hammer returning home only to be elected President of the United States in his mid twenties.

Give me Stella finding Leckie back in the States, only to reveal she’s not Greek, but instead she’s really a Nazi super-soldier who’s used his sperm in the hopes of creating a new Fuhrer.

Give me John Bassilone re-animating as a Zombie Grunt who hunts down the great military brains of Patton, MacArthur and Rommel.

Imply ANY and ALL of these retarded scenarios…

Because you’re halfway there already, assholes.

BPM

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