Facebook wins a penalty shootout

"I have a red piece of cardboard and I want to be on television too!"

So I sucked it up (oh, grow up), and performed what I was told was my national duty on Saturday night – I watched the Socceroo’s blockbuster matchup against the might and power of Ghana.

1-1.

Hmm.

Don’t worry, Dear Reader – I’m not about to enter into another rant about boring tactics, interminable defensive play and seemingly completely arbitrary officiating… instead I’ll let this speak for me:

Happily, I’ve stumbled upon the secret to remaining relatively informed on World Cup results without having to watch a minute of Soccer.

Teacher. Mother. Secret Lover.

Trust me… other people’s status updates are the only way to follow a game…

“Go Aussies!”

“You can do it Australia!!!”

“GOALLLLLLLL”

“Go Holman!”

“WTF???”

“This is friggin bullshit!”

“red card my ass just give everyone a red card why dont you ref”

“Regroup Aussies”

“Brave football, 10 men, Australia you did us proud”

“First cahill then kewell just give us a chance!”

Followed by the final exclamation point…

“Fuck Soccer”.

Plus, in between vitriolic Soccer-related updates, I got to see how someone needs me to find their Toucan on some retarded Treasure Island Facebook-game.

That’s multi-tasking, bitches.

BPM

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