Advanced Math 101: Alcohol + Air Rifle = ???

Some reporters choose to ‘bury the lead’ in a news article, by which I mean you’re expected to read in at least a few sentences to dig up the real, juicy information.

And then there are reporters who choose to put everything out on front-street.

“Two drinking mates are in trouble with the law after they decided to take turns shooting each other with an air rifle in Victoria’s west”.

"Now we killed dis here thing, it's time for the most dangerous game - where we hunt MAN for sport!"

from Herald

For those of you who may be concerned, don’t worry – both men are OK and in a stable condition. Though if they weren’t I think it’d be safe to assume we wouldn’t have lost the cure for cancer.

2 dudes, at a farm near the Grampians in Victoria. Add beer. It was inevitable that sooner or later they’d have to take turns shooting one another in the legs and buttocks just to ‘see if it would hurt’, right?

I’ve got just two points:

  1. To all the ree-ree’s out there who love to stage their own Johnny Knoxville-style shenanigans… you DO realize that those Jackass dickheads are making a shit-ton of money for hurting themselves on camera, right? That they’re doing it for a worldwide audience of guys suffering through arrested emotional development, not just one pal on a farm. Right? Huh?

    Funny, sure, until you remember your DVD purchase PAID for those mini-bikes

  2. Without fail you’ll find at least one of these quirky little stories every week. Now think back… how many of them revolved around women doing something this stupid, like trying to light a queef or wearing a brown-snake as a necktie? Any of them?

So cling to the desperate belief that women can’t park a car or read a map, gentlemen. Because they’ve got us beat in sooooooo many other areas of day-to-day life (like not killing one’s self, just to see if it’ll hurt), that it ain’t funny.

Now… who wants to watch me light my pubes on fire?



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