Kryal Castle to become brothel, Sovereign Hill to become… burlesque house???

Discreet parking in rear

I don’t know what to think about news that a Melbourne businessman plans to bid on Ballarat childrens landmark / kinda sad theme park Kryal Castle, with the hope of converting it into a high class brothel.

Complete with a helicopter pad.

Now that’s classy.

Whilst multi-millionaire Andrew Hewinson doesn’t expect his bid to convert the castle into an adults-only playground will be successful, it’s at least worth a shot (shitty pun #1… try and keep count, kiddies).

On the one hand I remember visiting Kryal Castle as a 9 year old on a school excursion, trembling in anticipation as I crossed the metallic drawbridge, wondering what sights I might behold in this magical land that time forgot.

Why shouldn’t a plethora of single twenty-something’s get the chance to re-visit the park today, to tremble with anticipation once more… albeit anticipation of a different kind, sure, but knaves can’t be choosers.

Prepare to be sexily transported through time as you experience:

  • The (Porn)Dungeon of Doom…
  • The Rack (probably lotsa nice racks, come to think of it)…
  • Jousting (well, you can’t cater to only the hetero market)…

Fear my Purple Steed!

All this, in period costume to boot (did they even have Naughty French Maids in medieval times? Probably just in France)

Part of truly becoming an adult as the years go by is having to watch helplessly as pieces of your childhood wither and die, nostalgic sentiment be damned. Is it better to see your childhood disappear completely, or to watch it become some oddly seedy, eroticized monument to man’s carnal nature?

I guess I’m going to be one of those few people in Melbourne that’s going to find out.

From a distance, I mean.

Not personally. Or anything.

I promise!

Uhh... one adult, please...



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