Why the Bible needs more Velociraptors: A News Report

Sigh… didn’t you just know that if there was going to be a controversial story about Creationism being taught in schools, it’d take place in Queensland?

Fundamentalist Christian’s are ‘hijacking’ Religious Instruction classes in some Primary Schools, and they’re dropping some interesting facts on the younglings to convert em to Christianity.

You know…

Like how Noah collected Dinosaur eggs to take aboard the Arc…

And how if we are all descended from Adam and Eve, that still doesn’t mean as a species we’re in-bred, because DNA wasn’t invented back then…

And how Adam and Eve weren’t eaten by Dinosaurs because of a “protective spell“.

Oh shit... Force-Field, ON!!!

Aren’t these the same loonies that claim Harry Potter is satanic because he uses magic? What’s the difference between Harry’s invisibility cloak and Adam and Eve’s magical powers?!?


But I digress.

The real sticking point here is that these classes are taking place at State Schools, not Christian Schools, and that they can be conducted by any interested party.

This means that they’re predominantly run by local Pentecostal churches and Fundamentalist groups, but also means that, in theory, I could teach a room full of ten-year old’s about religion if I really felt like it… and if I was allowed within 100 feet of a school.

The villain here ain’t Pastor McForce-Field or his merry band of Monkey-Denialist’s… it’s Education Queensland, who have deemed this particular brand of R.I compulsory.

And as for the schools pleading innocence here? Please. They admit that much of the time they don’t even have a teacher present during the classes, or if they do it’s only to supervise the instructors “because of all the fire and brimstone stuff“.

‘Hijacking’… for Christ’s sake…

You know what? I’m gonna throw a ‘Die Hard’ analogy at ya (suck on that, Fundamentalists!):

If Mr. Takagi had invited Hans Gruber and his terrorists to that Xmas party… and he’d pretended they didn’t have guns… and he chose to leave the room when they started collecting hostages… and the Security Guard turned his monitor off and ignored whatever was going on upstairs because he was in the midst of a really enthralling crossword puzzle…

If all that had happened… then I would hesitate to say that Nakatomi Plaza was HIJACKED!

"Come out to the Sunshine Coast, we'll get together, have a few laughs..."

The Jesus-Peep’s aren’t exactly infiltrating the schools by stealth under cover of darkness. They’re not wresting control of the classroom by force. They’re only abusing whatever power the teachers and the Education board ALLOW them.

If you’re a teacher in that scenario who feels that strongly about what’s going on… then undermine what’s being taught in R.I! Contradict it. Flat out tell the students you think it’s all a fantasy. Drop a little Science on em. But don’t just stand by, wringing your hands and complaining on behalf of the children. Grow a pair!

Because as it stands, studies show that almost 30% of Australian’s currently believe that Men and Dinosaurs co-existed.


It’s up to you to do something about that, goodly educators of Australia. John McClane’s not coming to do it for you.



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6 Responses to “Why the Bible needs more Velociraptors: A News Report”

  1. Benjamin the Donkey Says:

    Why is there still debate about whether or not humans co-existed with dinosaurs? Surely it has been proved beyond any doubt that they did co-exist … after all, it was well documented in the historical record that was The Flintstones.

    • buttonpushingmonkey Says:

      The Flintstones also taught us that you could take down a 7-10 split by running in on your tippy-toes and making your bowling ball split in half.
      Sunshine Bowl STILL hasn’t forgiven me for that little misunderstanding…

  2. Benjamin the Donkey Says:

    How far does the fundamentalist Christian movement intend to take this?

    Will they re-ignite debate on whether the world is flat? With Australian teenagers (children in some cases) queuing up to circumnavigate the globe, they had better be careful not to fall off.

    Or perhaps consider if it really is the sun that orbits the Earth? It’s possible that the likes of Copernicus and Galileo forgot to carry the one somewhere in their calculations.

    • buttonpushingmonkey Says:

      No no, Benjamin; they’re willing to concede that the Earth rotates around the Sun, so long as we’re willing to concede that God created the Sun with his magical fire-breath only 3 or 4 thousand years ago. Fair trade?
      It’s truly ironic that they’re brainwashing children using explanations that sound as if they’ve been directly pulled from a Pokemon cartoon…
      “Oh No! Dinosaur! ACTIVATE FORCE FIELD POWER!”
      “But what about DNA?”… “I defeat your DNA suggestion with my SILVER FLOOD CARD!”

  3. magsx2 Says:

    What on earth is going on in our schools lately. When I went to school ( a long time ago now) we had religious studies once a week only if our parents agreed, what happened to that? Times don’t always change for the better.

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