Sauce, Onion & Salmonella costs extra

"Ok, he's out. Quick, take a picture of his balls!"

I’m signing off for a few days folks, I’m going to be spending some time summering at my favourite holiday hot spot – St Vincents Public Hospital in Melbourne.

Which, in all honesty, actually comes as quite a relief. My health ain’t been so good recently, and at least it gets me out of this production office for a while.

As much of the focus is going to be on my stomach and digestive system, I’ve already had to begin fasting before getting my general anaesthetic first thing tomorrow morning. I don’t mind that too much either… it’s probably the best quality sleep I get. Michael Jackson was right, about that at least.

I can assure you however… you’ll never fully realize just how many McDonalds, Hungry Jacks, KFC and Dominos commercials are on television until you haven’t eaten for 18 hours.

And to make matters worse, someone at St Vincents came up with the genius idea of sporadically running fundraiser sausage sizzles in the hospital courtyard…

The courtyard that sits one floor directly below the day procedure unit…

The unit full of poor starving schlubs like me who, after 24 hours, would probably stab a bitch just for a single bite from a sausage lovingly encased in white bread.

It's much like this, but with less lumber, paint and potting mix

Strange how just the scent alone emerging from a BBQ can make you crave that mixture of sausage mince, lips and assholes scant hours after being probed, touched-up and filmed by Dr. Colon (I prefer not to be on a first name basis with the medical professionals who spend an awfully large amount of time treating me like a human sock-puppet).

I’m sure I’ll be back on my feet in no time, skewering pop culture icons and writing lame hate-screeds about the Lohan’s, Tequila’s and Montag’s of the world.

Until then, be excellent to each other.

And have a wiener for me.

BPM

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