News flash: Jess Hart is out of your league

So many conflicting feelings…

Australian Victoria’s Secret model Jess Hart has apparently come out and offered a single word of advice to all the ordinary dudes even thinking about approaching her ass in da club:


“If you see me or another model in a bar, wait until you are spoken to before you speak”.


On the one hand, good for her for not playing the ridiculous “I’m just looking for an average, normal kind of guy with a nice smile and a sense of humour” card.

Or the even more ludicrous “All I want is a chubby, hairy man who likes watching TV and drinking beer” (yes, I’m looking at you, KeSha).


As an ugly dude myself, and on behalf of ugly men everywhere, let me be the first to say you ain’t so special, Jess Hart. I’m not sure you’re even the most attractive woman in your own family (try googling Ashley Hart sometime).

I hope you wind up in an unfulfilling sexting relationship with Shane Warne, and that karma punches you in the mouth (cosmically, mind you) so hard that it fucks up your tee–


Too late.



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4 Responses to “News flash: Jess Hart is out of your league”

  1. Nina Says:


  2. Benjamin the Donkey Says:

    Nice sentiment, except that Shane Warne probably falls into the category of men she was addressing.

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