Archive for January, 2011

Smith-pocalypse

January 31, 2011

Tell me you think that those children AREN'T robots!?! Tell me!

Congrats to American writer Terry McMillan for recently calling out Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith on their ruthless celeb-pimping of their children Jaden and Willow…

Even if she did take back everything she said on Twitter shortly thereafter. Seems if you’re the writer of ‘Waiting to Exhale’ it’s probably NOT the best idea in the world to alienate THE African-American power couple in Hollywood.

You got Pinkett-Smith’d, Terry!

McMillan’s comments came on the back of the news that 10 year old Willow has been officially cast in the title role of a remake of ‘Annie’.

For those at home keeping score:

Willow Smith, the ultimate child of privilege, born to Hollywood royalty and being pushed down the entire world’s throat…

The Fresh Prince taught ME how to dress

Will play the little orphan Annie, abandoned, trying to survive during the Great Depression, hoping for better days…

Oh… and she is, of course, ginger as all get out.

Hope you can act a damn sight better than your brother Will… I mean… Willow.

And that you’re a better actor than a musician. Because that ‘Whip My Hair’ song makes me want to punch a pet shop full of innocent puppies.

See what I mean?

This is how it begins folks, don’t say you weren’t warned.

Because by the time they decide to remake ‘Young Guns’ (Jaden Smith IS Billy the Kid!), or throw together an ‘Independence Day’ sequel (‘ID5’ – Willow Smith IS America’s first black-female-rap-star-supermodel-fighter pilot-President!), it’ll be too late.

ALL movies will contain a Smith, and those that don’t will, by law, have one inserted via CGI.

Jar Jar Binks-ett-Smith anybody?

You’ve.

Been.

Warned.

BPM

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That’s how Charlie rolls

January 28, 2011

‘CHARLIE SHEEN RUSHED TO HOSPITAL AFTER 36 HOURS OF PARTYING’

You'd probably look like this too if you had to show up to do 'Two & a Half Men' every week

Hmm…

“briefcase full of cocaine”

“porn star”

“rushed to Los Angeles hospital”

“terrified escort

“two day drug bender”

Please understand one thing, people. The story above? This is not a “wild party that ended with him in hospital”.

For Charlie Sheen this is a Thursday.

I’m not going to be worried until I start seeing photo’s of Charlie covered in sores, thousand yard-stare on his face as he staggers along outside a club, draped on the arm of Pete Doherty.

So give it another 6 weeks or so…

BPM

Kevin Smith vs the W.B.C: If you can’t beat em’…

January 24, 2011

That's right... the guy who believes in 'Gretzky-ism' is the voice of reason here

A week ago the majority on this site agreed that the best way to tackle professional hate-mongers like the Westboro Baptist Church was to just ignore them.

Filmmaker Kevin Smith took a slightly different approach.

When Smith, who has an ongoing Twitter love/hate/I-fucking-despise-you relationship with Megan Phelps-Roper, learned that the Phelps Fruit Loops and their wacky band of sign-bearers planned on picketing his new film ‘Red State’ at the Sundance Film Festival, he decided upon a new plan of attack.

He’d plan to protest their protest with a picket line of his own.

See exhibit A:

Because ultimately what power can a sign that reads ‘God Hates Fags’ hold against these beauties, or a score of other signs held up by protest-protesters?

Signs like ‘I like Pop-Tarts!’, ‘God Loves Hugs’, or ‘Magnets: Who understands them?’.

Smith even made his call to arms official, posting a press release on his website, which you can read here.

And any peaceful protest that can stand in the face of irrational fear and hatred whilst invoking the mighty deities Thor, Zuul and Krom…

Is alright with me.

BPM

5 Guys in a Limo: Audible Chocolate

January 20, 2011

I could listen for hours to these dudes reading the frigging phone book, and I’d STILL be impressed…

BPM

Rebel Scum: When Death Star Attacks Go Awry

January 19, 2011

Thanks to Collider.com

BPM

Some people just aren’t worth saving

January 17, 2011

Yes, Australia, we ARE in the midst of one of the worst nation-wide natural disasters to afflict this country in over a century.

But rest assured… S.E.S crews are constantly vigilant when it comes to saving every man, woman and child humanly possible from rising flood waters.

Even these two.

“PAIR RESCUED AFTER RIDE ON INFLATABLE DOLL HITS A SNAG”

Darwin Awards candidates #423 & 424

from heraldsun.com.au

What a valuable use of manpower and resources.

Can you imagine worse news than a policeman on your doorstep somberly telling you,

“Sir, we regret to have to inform you that your 19-year-old daughter drowned this afternoon in the Yarra River.

With no underpants on.

When she and her boyfriend tried to ride a pair of inflatable sex dolls down the river during Victoria’s worst flood in almost 200 years.

Sir…? Sir?”

At least the news article ends with the sage piece of advice that police warn that blow-up dolls are NOT recognised floatation devices.

Sigh…

BPM

Michael Jordan + Bugs Bunny = Internet Bliss!

January 14, 2011

Frown all you want Mike, Bugs still has a more reliable jumpshot than Will Perdue

Lets take a step back from the more serious side of life for a moment… God knows we’ve earned it this week.

Ever tried explaining to some punk teenager that every stupid trout-pout photo and incoherent OMFG-filled status update that they post on the internet is http://www.nonbio-de-frickin-gradable?

Well, you want some tangible proof to finally back up that argument?

Ladies and gentlemen, I refer you to THIS website…

Which is STILL alive and kicking on the interwebs, just 15 years or so after the release of the movie.

Do yourself a favour… browse for a while… go on, I dares ya.

Ahhh, 1996 – you were a simpler time.

It was a simpler world…

BPM

Tweet him @themostevilmanonearth

January 12, 2011

Wow...

Ever stumble across something so vile it completely ruins your day in a freakin heartbeat?

No, I don’t mean shit like ‘Two Girls, One Cup’ for those with their minds in the gutter.

I mean the charming opinions of enlightened thinkers like Shirley Phelps-Roper, the daughter of Fred Phelps, and Megan Phelps, Freddie’s grand-daughter

For those unaware, Fred is the self-appointed head of the Westboro Baptist Church, one of the most notorious hate… sorry… “religious” groups in the United States.

He’s the brainiac behind the website godhatesfags.com. He’s perhaps most famous for picketing the funerals of members of the military and homosexuals.

And now he’s proclaimed that God sent the shooter that seriously injured Gabrielle Giffords and killed 6 people this week in Arizona, including 9-year-old Christina Greene.

Apparently this little girl deserved to die at the hand of a potentially mentally disturbed gunman

Lets not waste words – these people are E-vil (capital E) zealots, hiding behind their religious freedoms and the right to freedom of speech. And, incidentally, anyone who uses their own freedom of speech to call the WBC out on their outright lies and hypocrisies? They’re accused of hiding behind (and I quote) “fag speak”.

Evil.

And to tie alllllll this back in to my headline… does Evil have a Twitter feed?

Of course it does! It has several!

Check out Shirley here

And Megan here

Margie Phelps here

Jael Phelps here

And the list goes on and on and on.

You’ll need to check in periodically with these Twitter feeds, dear reader, if you want all the latest details on how the Phelps family and WBC followers plan to picket the funeral of Christina Greene this week.

Seriously.

You can read wayyyyyyyy more about the Phelps family with a few simple Google searches. Go on – it’ll be the most depressing 20 minutes of your life.

And that 20 minutes of research should be more than enough for any sane person to realize there ain’t much that we, as creatures of rational thought and logic, can do to help the WBC. You can’t reason with hysterical bigots this far gone. You can’t attempt any kind of meaningful dialogue. It’s probably best we follow the advice of Lisa Simpson in a Treehouse of Horror ep, and “Just don’t look, just don’t look”.

With that being said, the internet has given everyone (for better and for worse) a voice, to be shouted out from the rooftops… no matter how stupid the thoughts or opinion that voice espouses (look at this blog for example). We cannot bar the Phelps’ from the entirety of the internet any more than we can bar child pornography, or Justin Bieber music videos.

But Twitter… ?

I know so little about actually using Twitter that I’m going to just throw this out there: can anyone really just open an account and spout the kind of hate-fuckery these people do on a daily basis with no real consequences? Do you not get shut down sooner or later by some account administrator for tweeting about God’s wrathful vengeance being invoked upon children like Christina Greene? Is there any kind of line that cannot be crossed, that will not be tolerated?

What point is too far?

Is it when you stop using whatever tools you have at your disposal to spout hate-mongering propaganda, and start marching on Poland?

I’m genuinely curious.

Interested to hear your thoughts,

BPM

Sarah Palin and the Right to Arm Bears

January 10, 2011

Gabrielle Giffords

The fallout from the horrific Tucson shootings involving Democratic congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords continues…

A little homework people:

First, some background information on the Gifford shooting, and Sarah Palin’s now infamous ‘gun-sight’ target poster.

And now, for the left, the New York Times’ Matt Bai (published online yesterday at The Age), suggesting Sarah Palin, the Tea Party movement and U.S politicians in general have succumbed to using increasingly extreme rhetoric and language to deliberately inflame modern America.

And, as always, for the right our very own Andrew Bolt from the Herald Sun, who insists that Palin and the Tea Party movement has nothing to do with this tragedy, and that if we are to decry intentionally inflammatory politics, then we should start with Barack Obama.

You know what? I’m not even going to editorialize, beyond saying I find it very funny reading Andrew Bolt saying how wrong it is to politicize these shootings so as to smear Palin.

Because that would just be inappropriate and disrespectful.

Cough… boat people… cough… tragedy… coughcough… Gillard… Christmas Island… coughcoughcoughcough…

OK, so maybe I will editorialize a little. Sorry Andrew!

Sleep soundly, my friends, knowing that you can be arguably the 2nd most visible political figure in the entire United States, proudly talk about shooting animals on television, use rifle sights on posters about political rivals uploaded on to your Facebook page, use terminology like “Don’t retreat, reload!” and then STILL claim that you’re not influencing gun violence in America.

Because as we all know, people with violent tendencies are only ever influenced by music, TV and video games.

Right?

BPM

Baz Luhrmann has an idea

January 10, 2011

Oh for the love of God…

“BAZ LUHRMANN CONSIDERS SHOOTING THE GREAT GATSBY IN 3D”

 

Baz Luhrmann to part curtain... in 3D!!!

from heraldsun.com.au

 

Just hold on a little longer Monkey…

Because that 3D remake of ‘The Grapes of Wrath’ directed by McG CAN’T be far away now.

BPM