Archive for August, 2011

How Harry Potter SHOULD have ended

August 25, 2011

For more awesome vids, check out How It Should Have Ended!

BPM

Ain’t no party like an Australian Tea Part-HEEYYYYY-HOOOOO!

August 23, 2011

Did you know that from her seat at the table, Alice can look over the fence and almost see Russia?

Well… it had to happen sooner or later…

Ladies and gentlemen, the Australian T.E.A Party movement.

A timely reminder for those of us who enjoy laughing at the American’s from time to time that stupidity is global.

As Billy Connolly once said:

“Wherever you’re going, never take an idiot with you… you can always pick one up when you get there”.

BPM

BPM – the Ape who said “Why not???”

August 19, 2011

If you think we got political in my last post, then strap yourselves in peeps – here’s where we attempt to create some REAL change in the world:

I firmly believe that Andy Serkis deserves an Academy Award nomination next year for his incredible performance as Caesar in ‘Rise of the Planet of the Apes’.

For realsies.

I’ll confess that when I saw the initial trailer for this flick a few months ago, I was a little cynical… right up until the point where we see a gorilla leap off the Golden Gate Bridge and take down a helicopter. That one shot guaranteed my 17 bucks.

But I remained sceptical. I think over the past 10 years we’ve seen CGI take massive leaps. I recently re-watched the ‘Harry Potter’ DVD’s over the space of a week, and some of the early effects now look incredibly dated compared to what we see in 2011.

But even with what I’d consider good CG… Gollum in ‘LOTR’, several moments in ‘King Kong’, Brad Pitt as Benjamin Button, ‘District 9’, ‘Avatar’, and more recently the downsized Chris Evans in ‘Captain America’… I’ve still been yet to suspend disbelief long enough to forget that THAT’S NOT REAL.

Enter Andy Serkis, THE pioneer in motion capture performance (sorry Rob Zemeckis, and your creepy, Xmas-themed, quasi-animated zombielike movies).

Caesar lives, he breathes… he delivers a fantastic, emotional performance.

You believe in that character. You empathize with that character. If you can make it halfway through this film without realizing you’re now firmly pro-simian / anti-human, then YOU, sir, are a robot.

I was really interested to hear recently that Serkis has been acting as a 2nd Unit director for Peter Jackson on ‘The Hobbit’. Wouldn’t it be incredible to see this guy develop his skills behind the camera for a few years, then turn to directing films that are similarly motion-capture heavy? What more could any actor ask for than to work under the guiding hand of the world’s greatest artist in this new medium?

Just a thought…

For those not so intrigued with the process of motion-capture, I highly recommend ‘Rise of the Planet of the Apes’ regardless. Great storytelling, good performances, a script which realistically retcon’s the Apes mythos much the same way ‘Batman Begins’ did for Batman, or ‘Casino Royale’ did for James Bond.

Plus Caesar manages to do in 30 minutes what Harry Potter couldn’t do in 8 freakin movies… he schools Draco Malfoy’s ass in a big, bad way.

Until awards season rolls around, let us dream… sure, perhaps Producers of the flick make a few concessions by pushing Andy Serkis for a Best Supporting Actor nod instead of Best Actor. No need to rock the boat too much so soon.

But is is too much to hope that members of the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts & Sciences recognize a good thing when it’s right in front of them?!?!

Because if you can nominate Nicole Kidman for an Oscar 3 times over the past decade alone, then Serkis DEFINITELY deserves to be thrown a bone (or a banana) at least once…

BPM

Gay Couples – more EVIL than Skeletor, Voldemort and Hitler COMBINED!!!

August 18, 2011

BEHOLD! The Beast with two backs, and a million eyes... and... superb comedic timing...

Alternate title:

The informed opinions of Miss Rebecca Hagelin, or Why it’s becoming next to impossible to take a ‘Conservative’ seriously

I’ll apologize now… the remainder of this post is Neil Patrick Harris-free. Til next time, NPH!

Australian parliament reconvened this week after winter holidays, and day uno managed to provide 2 equally amusing highlights:

1) Tony Abbott speaking at an anti-Carbon Tax demonstration, reminded his flock that it was up to all MPs to be civil and exercise a “calming influence”

2) An officially sanctioned event run inside Parliament House’s Great Hall entitled “National Marriage Day”, featured a speaker claiming that Gay Marriage could lead to a complete breakdown in society, and the eventual legalization of marriages between paedophiles and children.

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Rebecca Hagelin:

A conservative columnist, author & political commentator from the U.S, Rebecca was the keynote speaker at National Marriage Day, and is a vice president of The Heritage Foundation (Heritage.org) whose vision is to “Create an America where freedom, opportunity, prosperity and civil society flourish.”

Which seems odd, when you hear her say that there is “no greater evil” than the forces who propose to legalize gay marriage, and that we are in a “war for the future of the human race”.

Because apparently, if we legalize gay marriage then we open a door where anything can be called marriage, including polygamy and paedophilic relationships.

Hmmm…

Wait, it gets better.

Also attending the function were some of our very own MP’s, such as Bob Katter and (sigh) Barnaby Joyce.

Bob was kind enough to describe gay marriage as “a proposition that deserves to be laughed at and ridiculed”.

That’s right, this dude…

… thinks YOUR monogamous relationships are ridiculous, gay community!

You just know that there are plenty of rational, even-tempered folk out there who consider themselves generally ‘conservative’, who shake their head when they see people like Rebecca Hagelin wheeled out to the media as a representation of “their opinions. It’s probably something akin to how your average Muslim feels about radical extremists, or how Christian’s feel about the Westboro Baptist Church, or Anders Breivik.

Anyhoo, where were we?

Once again the same old tropes were wheeled out:

  • Marriage is solely an institution to be entered into by a man and a woman…
  • It’s goal is to produce children and to create a loving, family environment…
  • Homosexuals are irresponsible, drug-taking floozies by nature, who have been known to either devour newborn babies whole, or alternatively to sacrifice them upon makeshift altars to their almighty deity, Zuul
  • It’s Adam and EVE, not Adam and STEVE!!!

And so on…

I’ve had this conversation amongst members of my own family, who are quick to decry homosexual marriage as ‘unnatural’, primarily because a gay couple cannot naturally reproduce.

An honest question that I’ve never really received a satisfactory answer for:

Does this same condition apply to a man and a woman, should one of them be infertile, or unable to naturally conceive a child?

“The Bible says it’s wrong!”

The Bible is a 2000-year-old book that also says tattoo’s are wrong. And that slavery is hunky dory. And insists that by all rights I should have been turned into a pillar of table-salt many moons ago.

“A same-sex couple can NOT raise a healthy, well-adjusted child!”

See, my Dad works for the Child Support Agency, and from everything I hear, heterosexual life partners are not actually guaranteed a perfect, Cleaver-like home environment. Weird huh? I have news for you folks: there’s more than a few heterosexual couples out there that should have been sterilised a loonnngggg time before they exercised their god-sanctioned right to procreate. And yet, I’m still yet to see the rally held at Parliament House decrying marriage between a dumbshit man addicted to heroin and a dipshit woman who’s had 5 kids by 4 different fathers already…

“They’ll be asking for all kinds of compensation, and tax benefits, and…”

Wait – now gay marriage is a fiscal burden upon the national economy??? That’s why it shouldn’t be allowed???

“What about the baby sacrifice to Zuul?”

Well, maybe when Zuul insisted that you choose her form, NEXT TIME you choose Mr. Stay Puft instead of a baby-eating daemon from the abyss!

Wow... on second thoughts even Mr. Stay Puft looks like he just stepped off a float at the Sydney Mardi Gras, huh

But in all (kinda) seriousness…

Personally, I know a few a gay people, not many. I have no idea of what their lives are like, or what growing up was like for them, or any such shit.

What I do know is that the possibility of two men, or two women, in a loving, faithful relationship, wanting to get married…

That probably won’t lead to the complete breakdown of society.

Odds are it’ll be some hetero douchebag who takes care of that.

As always, I’m open to debate and/or criticism on this site. Remind me why I should be afraid of the scary homosexual couples one more time, and win a prize*!

Until next time, remember to love one another, no matter what miscellaneous genitalia you may possess,

BPM

* Prize yet to be finalized, at least until I finally track down that Bob Katter Swimsuit Calendar I’ve been searching for for oh so long now…

Internet Debating 101

August 8, 2011

Genius!

Because someone who can introduce the word ‘dickfinity’ to your everyday lexicon deserves MAJOR props…

BPM