Gay Couples – more EVIL than Skeletor, Voldemort and Hitler COMBINED!!!

BEHOLD! The Beast with two backs, and a million eyes... and... superb comedic timing...

Alternate title:

The informed opinions of Miss Rebecca Hagelin, or Why it’s becoming next to impossible to take a ‘Conservative’ seriously

I’ll apologize now… the remainder of this post is Neil Patrick Harris-free. Til next time, NPH!

Australian parliament reconvened this week after winter holidays, and day uno managed to provide 2 equally amusing highlights:

1) Tony Abbott speaking at an anti-Carbon Tax demonstration, reminded his flock that it was up to all MPs to be civil and exercise a “calming influence”

2) An officially sanctioned event run inside Parliament House’s Great Hall entitled “National Marriage Day”, featured a speaker claiming that Gay Marriage could lead to a complete breakdown in society, and the eventual legalization of marriages between paedophiles and children.

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Rebecca Hagelin:

A conservative columnist, author & political commentator from the U.S, Rebecca was the keynote speaker at National Marriage Day, and is a vice president of The Heritage Foundation ( whose vision is to “Create an America where freedom, opportunity, prosperity and civil society flourish.”

Which seems odd, when you hear her say that there is “no greater evil” than the forces who propose to legalize gay marriage, and that we are in a “war for the future of the human race”.

Because apparently, if we legalize gay marriage then we open a door where anything can be called marriage, including polygamy and paedophilic relationships.


Wait, it gets better.

Also attending the function were some of our very own MP’s, such as Bob Katter and (sigh) Barnaby Joyce.

Bob was kind enough to describe gay marriage as “a proposition that deserves to be laughed at and ridiculed”.

That’s right, this dude…

… thinks YOUR monogamous relationships are ridiculous, gay community!

You just know that there are plenty of rational, even-tempered folk out there who consider themselves generally ‘conservative’, who shake their head when they see people like Rebecca Hagelin wheeled out to the media as a representation of “their opinions. It’s probably something akin to how your average Muslim feels about radical extremists, or how Christian’s feel about the Westboro Baptist Church, or Anders Breivik.

Anyhoo, where were we?

Once again the same old tropes were wheeled out:

  • Marriage is solely an institution to be entered into by a man and a woman…
  • It’s goal is to produce children and to create a loving, family environment…
  • Homosexuals are irresponsible, drug-taking floozies by nature, who have been known to either devour newborn babies whole, or alternatively to sacrifice them upon makeshift altars to their almighty deity, Zuul
  • It’s Adam and EVE, not Adam and STEVE!!!

And so on…

I’ve had this conversation amongst members of my own family, who are quick to decry homosexual marriage as ‘unnatural’, primarily because a gay couple cannot naturally reproduce.

An honest question that I’ve never really received a satisfactory answer for:

Does this same condition apply to a man and a woman, should one of them be infertile, or unable to naturally conceive a child?

“The Bible says it’s wrong!”

The Bible is a 2000-year-old book that also says tattoo’s are wrong. And that slavery is hunky dory. And insists that by all rights I should have been turned into a pillar of table-salt many moons ago.

“A same-sex couple can NOT raise a healthy, well-adjusted child!”

See, my Dad works for the Child Support Agency, and from everything I hear, heterosexual life partners are not actually guaranteed a perfect, Cleaver-like home environment. Weird huh? I have news for you folks: there’s more than a few heterosexual couples out there that should have been sterilised a loonnngggg time before they exercised their god-sanctioned right to procreate. And yet, I’m still yet to see the rally held at Parliament House decrying marriage between a dumbshit man addicted to heroin and a dipshit woman who’s had 5 kids by 4 different fathers already…

“They’ll be asking for all kinds of compensation, and tax benefits, and…”

Wait – now gay marriage is a fiscal burden upon the national economy??? That’s why it shouldn’t be allowed???

“What about the baby sacrifice to Zuul?”

Well, maybe when Zuul insisted that you choose her form, NEXT TIME you choose Mr. Stay Puft instead of a baby-eating daemon from the abyss!

Wow... on second thoughts even Mr. Stay Puft looks like he just stepped off a float at the Sydney Mardi Gras, huh

But in all (kinda) seriousness…

Personally, I know a few a gay people, not many. I have no idea of what their lives are like, or what growing up was like for them, or any such shit.

What I do know is that the possibility of two men, or two women, in a loving, faithful relationship, wanting to get married…

That probably won’t lead to the complete breakdown of society.

Odds are it’ll be some hetero douchebag who takes care of that.

As always, I’m open to debate and/or criticism on this site. Remind me why I should be afraid of the scary homosexual couples one more time, and win a prize*!

Until next time, remember to love one another, no matter what miscellaneous genitalia you may possess,


* Prize yet to be finalized, at least until I finally track down that Bob Katter Swimsuit Calendar I’ve been searching for for oh so long now…


Tags: , , , , , ,

One Response to “Gay Couples – more EVIL than Skeletor, Voldemort and Hitler COMBINED!!!”

  1. Benjamin the Donkey Says:

    The most frustrating thing about this debate is the way in which the question is framed. I’m sick of hearing intelligent people needing to justify gay people’s right to marry. My question: WHY THE FUCK NOT?! Seriously, who gives a flying fuck what two consenting adults choose to do when they’re simply choosing to do something that two other people – the same in every way but for the absence of matching genitalia – can do freely and without prejudice.

    “Marriage is between man and a woman.” Perhaps the pro-gay marriage lobby has been unclear. “Pro-gay marriage” does not mean “anti-hetero marriage”. Penis-bearing lovers of the fairer sex (and vice versa) can continue to wed and be happy … or miserable, the choice is theirs.

    “The bible says it’s wrong.” It also forbids men from shaving their beards and cutting their hair on the side. I guess that’s biblical permission to tell the next clean-shaven bloke harping on against gay marriage to go fuck himself … or at least read the book he’s quoting in its entirety (the bits about loving everybody and not judging others may be similarly confronting).

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: