The title says it all really…
The title says it all really…
Remember when fragrance advertising was all about granite jawed men with white business shirts open to reveal their chiselled pecs, and women with flawless ivory skin, wearing exotic ball gowns, running down flights of marble stairs?
They’d be shot in black and white, invariably set in some expensive hotel suite. There’d be an operatic music score, all for a scent with same vague but evocative name, like Obsession, or Insolence, or some such shit.
Hmm… no, me neither.
I only ask because I saw this at my local pharmacy on the weekend. Take a good look.
A poster featuring a 17-year-old child-star…
In a delicate little pink dress…
With a large perfume bottle wedged firmly between her legs…
A bottle capped with a large blossoming pink and red rose…
Named Oh Lola!
You actually PAY people to come up with that ad campaign??? It’s not clever, it’s not alluring, it’s not sexy or artistic in any way, it’s just presenting a deliberately transgressive image purely for shock value. Why not just call it Dakota’s Fanny, and be done with it!
And no… HELL NO… I didn’t take a whiff of the sample fragrance card available. I was legitimately scared that the resultant olfactory experience might be EXACTLY what I was afraid of.
Lolita — sorry, Oh Lola! is available in stores now.
It’s a crime so serious that apparently ScarJo even has the FBI working on the case. That’s the Federal Bureau of Investigations. Because the only commodity the U.S economy has left is the dignity and integrity of their celebs, right?
It’s a pity she divorced the Green Lantern last year, he could’ve been really helpful right about now…
Now, commonfolk like you, or me, or your grandpa, or that girl who works in accounts, taking happy snaps of their bizness is understandable, if a little fraught with peril.
And the rich and famous, chicks like Scarlett? She’s people too. She’s prone to the same errors of judgement as you or I. Throw in the fact that filming away from home for prolonged periods can mean weeks, and sometimes months, apart from your partner or spouse. So why not get the iPhone out of your handbag and MMS the one you love?
I mean I don’t partake myself, but I get it. It’s transgressive, it’s crossing a line, it’s naughty. The fact that it IS a little dangerous is what makes it so sexy, right?
Sure. Until your ex decides to upload your photo to http://www.sluttyexgirlfriends.com, or it accidentally gets sent to someone it shouldn’t. Or until some jerkoff hacks into your internet account.
Now, you or me – we’d probably be mortified. What if people I know saw it? What if my friends saw it? What if my employer saw it? What if my mother saw it!
Shitty repercussions would ensue. Very shitty repercussions. But repercussions which are, nonetheless, almost entirely personal.
But now lets say you’re Jessica Alba? Or Blake Lively? Or, as is the case today, Scarlett Johansson? Who everybody knows? Whose private lives we intrude upon constantly, thanks to television, gossip mags and (admittedly) sites like this one. Modern day Goddesses that live under the glare of these spotlights, who have made the concerted decision in their professional career (at least thus far) to NEVER appear naked on television or in a film.
Which is a smart call. But all of these photos that inevitably wind up getting leaked to the press? They’ve got one thing in common – they were ALL self-taken. All of them were the result of a decision, made for whatever reason, by Jess, Blake and Scarlett to take nude photos of themselves.
Maybe it’s just an ego thing that I can’t fathom. That these are women who live their entire lives in front of a lens, adored by millions, every movement recorded. They’re sex symbols, who have been objectified and worshipped for years now. Maybe there’s an inability NOT to be photographed, or recorded.
I don’t know…
What we do know is that Scarlett Johansson is a human being, and undoubtedly she’s embarrassed – her privacy has been violated, and she’d be hurting right now. And far be it from me to tell anyone else what to do in the bedroom, or in the privacy of their own home.
But maybe… just maybe… for the movie mega-stars, girls in year 10 and suburban housewives alike…
For the sake of your dignity AND your professional credibility, maybe settling for some good ol’ fashioned phone sex when you’re lonely ain’t so bad after all, huh?
Because I like looking at incredibly attractive women like Scarlett, sure. But hopefully I speak for one or two other men when I say that we can do without the digital age version of clandestinely peeping through your neighbours bedroom window.
Even if your neighbour does look like this.
We’ve all seen them… the annoying little ads that pop up on the right hand side of your Facebook page.
And I assume there must be SOME kind of algorithim in place that selects the ads. You list you’re engaged – you get wedding related services. You post about your favourite footy team – you get sports betting links.
Which is why I was more than a little confused / amused when I last looked and saw an advert with THIS text:
I Paid Off My Mortgage!
in 5 years, and became debt free. You can too! Find out how – Click here
Fair enough, Spam-bot. What I didn’t expect was to see THIS photo accompanying the ad:
OK… attractive bikini-clad girl on a yacht… she COULD be some kind of financial wizard. Maybe she HAS paid off her mortgage in 5 years… good for her, you say.
Only problem being is that I recognized the girl in this photo.
The story goes that about 3 years ago, New York Governor Eliot Spitzer was sensationally removed from office. During his brief time as Governor he proposed a bill to legalize same-sex marriage in New York, as well as issuing an executive order allowing illegal immigrants to be issued driver’s licenses.
Decent guy, family man, all round stand-up fella.
Except it was then revealed in 2008 that Spitzer was a member of the Emperors Club vip, a club that provided extremely expensive, high class callgirls.
Spitzer was accused of having spent something close to $80,000 over the years on prostitutes, including several thousand buckeroos on his favourite, a 23-year-old woman named Ashley Alexandra Dupre.
If you guessed that the girl above in the white swimsuit is Ashley Dupre, congratulations, you win a prize*.
So, to recap, Facebook is telling me it has the answer to my financial woes. And all I have to DO to pay off my entire mortgage in half a decade… is… welllll… dudes like THIS guy:
Only for a few years, max.
Thanks for the tip Facebook, but I might just stick with the whole 9-5, earn-my-moneys-keeping-my-pants-on lifestyle.
I’m boring like that.
* prize will not be a high-class prostitute, sadly
If you didn’t catch it today on their homepage, Google has celebrated what would have been the late, great Freddie Mercury’s 65th birthday with this awesome Google logo ‘doodle’:
To anyone else who was looking forward to the blu-ray release of the original ‘Star Wars’ trilogy this month, well… you may wanna skip this post.
The Greedo Shot First movement is shitting in their cereal right now.
I mean REALLY sigh…
If anyone can give me one good reason why you’d insert another goddamn ‘Nooooooooo!!!’, then I’d love to hear it.
I don’t know… the conspiracy theorist in me thinks maybe it’s a deliberate and permanent attempt to destroy the things the old school fan base loved about the original series in the first place. Focus solely on the new generation of kids who’ll keep buying action figures regardless of what changes are made, whilst trying to drive the adults towards whatever bullshit WWII fighter pilot movie you’re producing now.
All I know is I can’t believe I already laid down $100+ on a pre-order for this bullshit.