The Scarlett (Open) Letter

Another day, another nude scandal. The latest victim? Scarlett Johansson, whose phone / email / dream journal has reportedly been hackedby the same guy who allegedly stole passwords to over 50 celebrity accounts. 2 nude photos of Scarlett have been circulating around the net like crazy over the past 24 hours.

It’s a crime so serious that apparently ScarJo even has the FBI working on the case. That’s the Federal Bureau of Investigations. Because the only commodity the U.S economy has left is the dignity and integrity of their celebs, right?

It’s a pity she divorced the Green Lantern last year, he could’ve been really helpful right about now…

In brightest day, in blackest night, no evil shall corrupt this website…

Now, commonfolk like you, or me, or your grandpa, or that girl who works in accounts, taking happy snaps of their bizness is understandable, if a little fraught with peril.

And the rich and famous, chicks like Scarlett? She’s people too. She’s prone to the same errors of judgement as you or I. Throw in the fact that filming away from home for prolonged periods can mean weeks, and sometimes months, apart from your partner or spouse. So why not get the iPhone out of your handbag and MMS the one you love?

I mean I don’t partake myself, but I get it. It’s transgressive, it’s crossing a line, it’s naughty. The fact that it IS a little dangerous is what makes it so sexy, right?

Sure. Until your ex decides to upload your photo to, or it accidentally gets sent to someone it shouldn’t. Or until some jerkoff hacks into your internet account.

Now, you or me – we’d probably be mortified. What if people I know saw it? What if my friends saw it? What if my employer saw it? What if my mother saw it!

Shitty repercussions would ensue. Very shitty repercussions. But repercussions which are, nonetheless, almost entirely personal.

But now lets say you’re Jessica Alba? Or Blake Lively? Or, as is the case today, Scarlett Johansson? Who everybody knows? Whose private lives we intrude upon constantly, thanks to television, gossip mags and (admittedly) sites like this one. Modern day Goddesses that live under the glare of these spotlights, who have made the concerted decision in their professional career (at least thus far) to NEVER appear naked on television or in a film.

A decision that probably cost Robert Rodriguez you do NOT want to know how much time and money in post-production on 'Machete'

Which is a smart call. But all of these photos that inevitably wind up getting leaked to the press? They’ve got one thing in common – they were ALL self-taken. All of them were the result of a decision, made for whatever reason, by Jess, Blake and Scarlett to take nude photos of themselves.

Maybe it’s just an ego thing that I can’t fathom. That these are women who live their entire lives in front of a lens, adored by millions, every movement recorded. They’re sex symbols, who have been objectified and worshipped for years now. Maybe there’s an inability NOT to be photographed, or recorded.

I don’t know…

What we do know is that Scarlett Johansson is a human being, and undoubtedly she’s embarrassed – her privacy has been violated, and she’d be hurting right now. And far be it from me to tell anyone else what to do in the bedroom, or in the privacy of their own home.

But maybe… just maybe… for the movie mega-stars, girls in year 10 and suburban housewives alike…

For the sake of your dignity AND your professional credibility, maybe settling for some good ol’ fashioned phone sex when you’re lonely ain’t so bad after all, huh?

Because I like looking at incredibly attractive women like Scarlett, sure. But hopefully I speak for one or two other men when I say that we can do without the digital age version of clandestinely peeping through your neighbours bedroom window.

Even if your neighbour does look like this.


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