Archive for December, 2011

Santa loves Dubstep

December 20, 2011

Because apparently you’re not truly exhibiting the Christmas spirit

… unless you’re eliciting seizures from random passers-by.

America: They INVENTED Christmas, Bitch!



A Very Calvin & Hobbes Christmas

December 19, 2011

thanks to the AV Club

Well? You in a festive mood yet or what???


And so this is Christmas

December 18, 2011

How do I know we’re getting close to the most wonderful time of the year?

When my junk email inbox has sequential emails that read:

eBay                                      Stocking stuffers for her this Xmas!!!

Weird porn spam              stuff HER stocking this xmas

See? Doesn’t it warm your heart to know just how hard people are working to spread good tidings and cheer this festive season?

And that no one’s dearest Christmas wish should be forgotten this December 25th – not even the weird, unwashed, socially awkward, lonely, emotionally damaged, yule-fetishizing, porn addicts out there. Which, for the record, I am most certainly not!

I happen to wash quite often.



Juiced Newton

December 14, 2011


from The

Just… wow.

Because you just know a guy has SERIOUS issues when he (allegedly) repeatedly punches a 66-year-old taxi driver, and your initial response is “Well… at least he punched a dude this time and not another woman”.

Legal ‘experts’ predict a prolonged, court-ordered period of hospitalization is on the cards for Newton.

My advice, for what it’s worth, Matt?

If that offer IS on the table, then you take it. Take it now. Take it yesterday, for Gods sake.

Because if you can’t find a way to get these punchy demons under control, and you were to really face the legal consequences of repeated incidents of assault…

Well… lets just say that if every prison movie I’ve seen has taught me anything, it’s that a young, affluent white guy with your background would probably be nicknamed ‘Patti’ within a week, even if that wasn’t actually already his mother’s name.


Presidential Campaigning: Who writes YOUR speeches?

December 9, 2011

Call me a glutton for punishment when it come to rallying at the absurdity of the human condition, but I can’t help but follow shit like the GOP nomination process, which is currently underway in the U.S. 

In fact, if I were more dedicated to this blog, politicians like Mitt Romney, Michelle Bachmann and Newt Gingrich could probably provide me with enough material to post every day from now until the end of time.

Of particular interest was seeing the one-time frontrunner to run as the Republican candidate, Herman Cain, dropping out of the race this week.

Cain, who presumably learned everything he needed to know to be President of the United States whilst acting as the CEO of Godfathers Pizza, was dogged recently by numerous allegations of sexual misconduct and impropriety. One woman, a ‘Ginger White’, claimed she had a 13 year affair with Cain, a liaison that only ended shortly before Herman decided to run for President.

Easily enough bullets to stop the Cain campaign in its tracks. It’s never a fantastic idea to put your faith in the discretion of a woman whose name sounds like either a) a stage name, b) a sitcom character, or c) a kind of upmarket cocaine.

However it also came to light this week that one of the main tenets of Cain’s well-rehearsed rallying speech across America looks like it was, ahem, ‘borrowed’ from an 11-year-old cartoon movie.

Prefacing his statement with “A poet once said”, Cain has spent the past few months repeating ad nauseam that “Life can be a challenge. Life can seem impossible. But it’s never easy when there’s so much on the line”.

Too bad that ‘poet’ was actually the songwriter for the animated film, ‘Pokemon 2000’:

Who says politics these days isn’t just a series of soundbites designed to grab the attention of the lowest common denominator???

No word as yet on whether Barack Obama is going to co-opt the lyrics to the theme from ‘Duck Tales’ for his own campaign.

Although when you think about it, life really IS like a hurricane innnnn Duck-Berg…