Archive for the ‘Internet’ Category

Further and further down the rabbithole…

May 22, 2013

Essentially the story of my working life in 2 minutes:

Now I need to know everything about Aziz Ansari.

Damn it.

BPM

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Game of Thrones… 1995 style

March 18, 2013

 

Just. Stellar.

Not looking forward quite so much to March 31st anymore, are you?

BPM

I find your lack of faith… yadayadayada

February 12, 2013

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Pope Benedict XVI resigns his position as head of the papacy. The Catholic Church is left reeling. World is shocked.

Internet explodes.

And yet, in the past month alone the internets has exploded MULTIPLE times… over the Grammy’s, a blackout at the Superbowl, whether Beyonce lip-syncs or not, the news that JJ Abrams will control the hearts and minds of both Star Wars AND Trek fans, and the revelation that every professional athlete anywhere is probably maybe taking something…

24 hour news cycle, baby.

My tip for the next biggest news story of all time?

Beyonce is elected the next Pope, but only after a power failure at Vatican City means the papal conclave is forced to release fake white smoke from their chimneys. The smoke is later revealed to contain traces of HGH, Beyonce resigns after a week in disgrace, only to then be cast as both Lieutenant Uhura in the next Star Trek film and the ass-kicking descendent of Mace Windu in Star Wars episodes 7-9.

The force is... umm... strong? With this one?

The force is… umm… strong? With this one?

And even THAT’S only gonna tide us over for a week. At best.

Wake me when the zombie apocalypse finally happens, won’t you? Now THAT’S news.

BPM

 

SchwarzeneggAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

February 5, 2013

Range…

Ah-nuld’s got it, bitches.

BPM

That’s no moon…

January 17, 2013

death-star-1200

Gun control, gun control, gun control. Definitely a hot button topic in the States these days.

Turns out not only is the Obama administration in favour of tighter controls on semi-automatic weapons, NOW they’re refusing to build the ultimate in weapons technology.

Pussies…

You see, a petition was raised in America recently, and apparently any petition that garners over 25,000 signatures can officially be presented to the U.S government.

The petition in question?

‘To secure resources and funding, and begin construction of a Death Star by 2016’.

You can read the official response from the White House here, but in the meantime they listed 3 reasons as to why they won’t be pursuing construction anytime soon, which are:

  • The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We’re working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.
  • The Administration does not support blowing up planets.
  • Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?

Suck it, NRA.

BPM

Uncle Stevie drops some knowledge

December 13, 2012

I realise this is probably of little interest to most of you, but I dig it…

Stephen King speaking to a Masters Class at UMass Lowell this week.

A chance to hear the greatest living American novelist expound on Lovecraft, ’50 Shades of Grey’ and being asked “Where do you get your ideas from?” for 35 frigging years.

Enjoy,

BPM

The Gotham High… Goths?

November 23, 2012

Because it’s not such a huge leap to go from this…

from Nerdist.com

To a carefully edited four and a half minute mash-up, featuring almost every star of the Nolan-verse in a handful of your favourite teeny-bopper films…

Nice.

I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for any upcoming big budget flicks starring Larisa Oleynik as the female lead though.

Ahh 1999… it seemed like you were but yesterday…

BPM

You have a totally legit friend request… seriously, for realsies

September 14, 2012

I’ll apologise in advance for yet another anti-Facebook/Twitter/Internet post, but this story blew my mind, and I can’t believe we haven’t seen it featured more prominently in ANY Australian news media outlet:

‘TALIBAN USES SEXY FACEBOOK PROFILES TO LURE TROOPS INTO GIVING AWAY MILITARY SECRETS’

from PC World.com

The story in a nutshell goes that the Taliban are using fake Facebook profiles to ‘befriend’ troops in the Australian Defence Forces serving overseas in Afghanistan. See that picture up there? That’s ex-World Wrestling Entertainment superstar Maria Kanellis, just one of the hot chicks enticing our fighting forces to click ‘Accept’. Once the Australian soldier accepts the friend request, the Taliban then uses this access to gather info based on the soldiers’ status updates, posts, photos, etc.

The bigger problem is that Facebook’s geo-tagging tech also logs the specific location that soldiers are posting from. So once a soldier updates his status to shit its hot, or OMG check out my RPG!!!!! 🙂 , the Taliban knows exactly where they are.

All of this has prompted a review by the Australian Defence Force into DoD use of social media, and will probably necessitate the introduction of social media training courses for all members of the Defence Force.

Wow…

Now, I’m not criticising our brave men and women serving overseas. They show incredible courage doing a job I never could, and make us as Australians proud every day.

But who knew that our troops weren’t made aware before they were sent into a war zone about geo-tagging?

Or that members of the Taliban are apparently big fans of WWE Diva’s like Maria?

That in one of the most dangerous areas on the planet, some people are still preoccupied with posting Instagram photos of their food, duck-facing in front of armoured vehicles, and doing those quizzes to see ‘Which Disney character are you?’

Come on, how many times is this thing going to tell me that I’m Pumbaa?!?!?!

That when it comes to manipulating social media, we have been (in the parlance of Jeff Probst) out-witted, out-lasted and out-played by… the Taliban?!?! Who presumably have faster, more reliable internet connection in the mountainous regions of Afghanistan than I do in the western suburbs of Melbourne.

And that apparently any remake of ‘Stripes’ would now include John Winger doing way less push-ups and much, much more tweeting? 

“I want you to drop and give me a hundred n’ forty… characters”

Serves as a handy reminder to all of us not to accept a friend request from someone just because SHES TOTALLY HOT BRO OMG SEXYB!TCH!

Admittedly this is advice that’s easier to dish out when, like me, you’re the kinda guy whom unnaturally attractive women avoid like a new chemically engineered strain of black-plague-herpes-canceraids.

But it’s good advice regardless.

Finally, should any of you who are reading this be currently serving in the Australian military overseas, be safe guys and gals, and come home in one piece.

BPM

Amuhr-ica! F*%# Yeah!

September 12, 2012

HAD to re-post this genius piece of editing, originally from the New York Magazine website:

If there’s a better two minute encapsulation of how out of control our culture of celebrity worship has become… well, I haven’t seen it.

Jesus wept…

Because apparently if we didn’t spend the anniversary of September 11 talking about Kris Jenner’s fake tits, then the terrorists truly have already won. 

BPM

Trial by Facebook

September 10, 2012

This popped up in my Facebook feed over the weekend.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Social Media Jury, see exhibit A:

Now… what’s scarier?

a) The possibility that this rumour about hellspawn boy-band One Direction could actually be true? Or…

b) That almost 400,000 Facebook users (as of Saturday) were willing to ‘Like’ a status (with no context or details or any supporting evidence), which purports to have been posted by a FICTIONAL CHARACTER.

Or is it c) that if you Google any combination of ‘One Direction’, ‘Girl’ & ‘Cancer’, you get a shit-ton of links to fan fiction I’m wayyyyyy too scared to click on.

The world we live in, folks.

BPM