Archive for the ‘Velociraptors’ Category

Why contemporary cinema needs more Velociraptors: #8

December 23, 2009

Is it me, or does this poster actually have a more cohesive plot than ‘Eyes Wide Shut’? KUUU-BRICKKKKK!!!

Though I would see ‘The Shining’ again and again if Stanley had have thrown the odd Velociraptor in the hedge maze.

Rot Par! Rot Par!


Why contemporary cinema needs more Velociraptors: #7

December 22, 2009


Oh Lord… don’t that feel good?

See George, THIS is the way you win back every Star Wars fan you burned with those prequels. Watch and learn, Beardy…


Why contemporary cinema needs more Velociraptors: #6

December 20, 2009

That whole ‘iceberg’ thing you heard so much about…

Bullshit. Government. Cover-Up.

The Titanic REALLY sank because no one checked the cargo-hold thoroughly for…

I'm flying, Jack! Jack... ? Are you still there Jack?

In honor of ‘King’ Cameron, Happy Avatar Week everybody!


Why contemporary cinema needs more Velociraptors: #5

December 18, 2009

I wish I could quit y-ACHH!

Every homophobe’s worst nightmare: would you rather be savagely torn apart by a Velociraptor whilst on a 1960’s cattle drive, or take it dry from Jake Gyllenhaal?

Life’s all about the tough decisions…


Why contemporary cinema needs more Velociraptors: #4

December 16, 2009

And just like that…

Hughes' original screenplay had way more hallway chase sequences.

Judd Nelson was no longer the toughest dude in Shermer, Illinois.


Why contemporary cinema needs more Velociraptors: #3

December 15, 2009

People like to speculate what truly won the Allies WW2. Was it a better and more proficient supply line? Was it sheer weight of numbers? Was it the ingenious stratagems of so many brilliant military minds?

No one could say for sure. Until now.

Those dirty Nazi's never stood a chance

Spielberg’s only error was not casting more Velociraptors in ‘Band of Brothers’. They’d have trained Easy Company a hell of a lot more effectively than David Schwimmer.


Why contemporary cinema needs more Velociraptors: #2

December 14, 2009


Bella wondered at Edward’s perfect shimmering skin, his sculpted torso, his strong neck and HOLY SHIT!!!

I’d go see this version of Twilight AND read the book AND buy the calendar.


Clever girl… OR Why contemporary cinema needs more Velociraptors!

December 12, 2009

A big thanks to Matt Brown who gently nudged me in the direction of this Facebook group. Normally I avoid Facebook groups like I avoid homeless people with the plague AND herpes AND those windscreen cleaning thingy’s, but this group spoke to me…

Ladies and Gents, I give you ‘The Notebook would be better with more Velociraptors’.

Alternate title: Gobbling Gosling

Truer words were never spoken.

Stay tuned for sporadic updates on all your movie favourites. Such as this:

Frankly my dear... I just bit your face off.

He will never be hungry again!

Life finds a way,