Posts Tagged ‘Beyonce’

I find your lack of faith… yadayadayada

February 12, 2013


Pope Benedict XVI resigns his position as head of the papacy. The Catholic Church is left reeling. World is shocked.

Internet explodes.

And yet, in the past month alone the internets has exploded MULTIPLE times… over the Grammy’s, a blackout at the Superbowl, whether Beyonce lip-syncs or not, the news that JJ Abrams will control the hearts and minds of both Star Wars AND Trek fans, and the revelation that every professional athlete anywhere is probably maybe taking something…

24 hour news cycle, baby.

My tip for the next biggest news story of all time?

Beyonce is elected the next Pope, but only after a power failure at Vatican City means the papal conclave is forced to release fake white smoke from their chimneys. The smoke is later revealed to contain traces of HGH, Beyonce resigns after a week in disgrace, only to then be cast as both Lieutenant Uhura in the next Star Trek film and the ass-kicking descendent of Mace Windu in Star Wars episodes 7-9.

The force is... umm... strong? With this one?

The force is… umm… strong? With this one?

And even THAT’S only gonna tide us over for a week. At best.

Wake me when the zombie apocalypse finally happens, won’t you? Now THAT’S news.




You Just Got Swift’d!

September 13, 2010

I call this song 'Fuck y'all, Beyonce can't play the guitar'...

One year after Kanye-Gate, and Taylor Swift has made a ‘statement’ of sorts by performing her revenge / forgiveness song ‘Innocent’ at this year’s MTV Video Music Awards.

Consider it your official confirmation that Taylor Swift’s REAL musical genius is being able to make any (and every) kind of flaw in the human condition sound like a 16-year-old girl’s diary entry about the boy who doesn’t notice her in school.

Yes, it’s bland, oftentimes off-key and about 11 months too late, but maybe this is just the cathartic moment Taylor needs to move on with her life.

Good for her.

With that being said…

Beyonce’s ‘Irreplaceable’ is one of the GREATEST REVENGE SONGS OF ALL TIME, YO!

Sorry, but I’m only human.