Posts Tagged ‘Catholicism’

I find your lack of faith… yadayadayada

February 12, 2013


Pope Benedict XVI resigns his position as head of the papacy. The Catholic Church is left reeling. World is shocked.

Internet explodes.

And yet, in the past month alone the internets has exploded MULTIPLE times… over the Grammy’s, a blackout at the Superbowl, whether Beyonce lip-syncs or not, the news that JJ Abrams will control the hearts and minds of both Star Wars AND Trek fans, and the revelation that every professional athlete anywhere is probably maybe taking something…

24 hour news cycle, baby.

My tip for the next biggest news story of all time?

Beyonce is elected the next Pope, but only after a power failure at Vatican City means the papal conclave is forced to release fake white smoke from their chimneys. The smoke is later revealed to contain traces of HGH, Beyonce resigns after a week in disgrace, only to then be cast as both Lieutenant Uhura in the next Star Trek film and the ass-kicking descendent of Mace Windu in Star Wars episodes 7-9.

The force is... umm... strong? With this one?

The force is… umm… strong? With this one?

And even THAT’S only gonna tide us over for a week. At best.

Wake me when the zombie apocalypse finally happens, won’t you? Now THAT’S news.




Pontiff Priorities

April 14, 2010

A smart man would temper his negative posts about religion after last week.

However, as we’ve already established, I ain’t no smart man.

The Catholic Church, led by Pope Benedict XVI (he’s the current, Hitler-Youth one, right?) have decided now is the time to forgive The Beatles over the infamous ‘Bigger than Jesus’ controversy which erupted in 1966.

That’s almost four and a half decades ago, for anyone that’s counting.

In an article from Vatican newspaper ‘L’Osservatore Romano‘, it was stated that:

It’s true they took drugs, lived life to excess because of their success, even said they were bigger than Jesus and put out mysterious messages, that were possibly even satanic. They may not have been the best example for the youth of the day, but they were by no means the worst. Their beautiful melodies changed music and continue to give pleasure.

Forty years later, the Beatles still astound with their originality and they are a consolation against the continual assault on music lovers by the record industry“.

Huh. Proof positive that what’s shocking, highly controversial and downright evil today can get a Papal blessing tomorrow.

It’s a P.R stunt, pure and simple. God knows the Catholic Church needs more than a few of em (no pun intended).

But if you’re going to try to win the people over, maybe… just maybe… Catholicism has bigger ‘hot button’ issues to tackle at this point in time than whether John Lennon truly intended to be blasphemous so many years ago.

Cough… child abuse… cough… cover up… cough… and the Pope’s willingness… cough… to conceal offending priests… coughcough…

Don’t worry people. I’m sure you’ll find some solace that at this rate the almost 4400 cases of reported abuse by Catholic priests between 1960 and 2002 will be thoroughly investigated.

And you’ll be able to read all about it in ‘L’Osservatore Romano‘.

Sometime in 2046, or thereabouts.