Posts Tagged ‘Dead Celebrities’

We Need to Talk About Whitney

February 13, 2012

1963 - 2012

So, are we ready to talk about Whitney yet?

Like Amy Winehouse, this had that horrible feeling of inevitability. Whitney Houston had the voice of a generation, and yet aged only 48, she becomes the new poster child when it comes to destroying god given talent with drug abuse.

Dozens of musicians influenced by Houston expressed their grief at her passing the only way they knew how… via Twitter, of course (“What a tragedy! Let me tell how you this effects #ME”).

The pre-Grammy’s party she was meant to attend at the Beverly Hilton Hotel? Well, sure… it proceeded as planned, but they DID move it to a different area of the hotel, right?

The Grammy Awards themselves quickly became a sombre, tasteful evening, where high profile guests momentarily shrugged off their own all consuming need for the spotlight, choosing instead to show some respect for the memory of…

This fucking fruit loop is a 'Nicki Minaj', apparently


Rather than regurgitate any more of the innumerable articles about her gospel influences, or the destructive influence of Bobby Brown, or that “Crack is whack” interview, I’ll leave with perhaps the best way to remember Whitney Houston – an example of a peerless female vocallist in her prime (as suggested by The Age contributor, Clem Bastow):


Whitney is survived by her daughter, Kristina Bobbi Brown.



Amy Winehouse 1983-2011

July 24, 2011

The 27 Club has a new member…

Amy Winehouse was found dead overnight in her London apartment, from what police are still calling “unknown causes”.

Hmm… where’s a News of the World journalist when you need one to hack her phone and fill us in on the last dealer she called?

Sad perhaps, but no great shock – the poor woman has been committing a long, slow case of suicide in front of a paparazzi lens for years it seems. If the anti-drug lobby ever wanted a new, note-perfect case study, they sure as hell have one in Winehouse.

But how could anyone have seen this coming???

For my part, I blame Pete Doherty. But then, I blame Pete Doherty for every drug-related crime in the U.K (cue the ‘Try to make me go to Rehab’ jokes).

A prodigious talent who could have made so much more of herself, here’s a reminder of Winehouse at her peak:

A reminder kids: just say no to crack, cocaine, heroin, ecstasy and valium.

Definitely just say no to taking them all at the same time, at least.

Amy Winehouse, dead, at 27 years of age.

Her beehive hairdo was 6.

Rest in peace, Amy.




Michael Jackson – One Year On…

June 25, 2010

Out of curiosity, exactly how old was that tiger? And why did he name it Sch'mon, anyways?!?

Everybody has the right to mourn in their own way…

Sure, you might choose to commemorate the passing of the King of Pop by throwing ‘Blame it on the Boogie’ on repeat.

Maybe you re-watched the ‘Thriller’ film clip one more time, curled up on the couch spooning with a stuffed toy monkey named Bubbles.

Or perhaps you were the ree-ree at work telling everyone you really truly knew how to do the moonwalk… just not in these shoes.

Me? I prefer to reflect on his memory like thuzz, with a classic Dave Chappelle bit, circa 2004:

Goodnight Sweet Prince… I mean Symbol… Prince Michael? No… just Michael! I meant Michael…


Attention-Whoring 101

June 10, 2010

I wondered why a random post I wrote in January was suddenly getting hits a plenty, so I clicked upon it myself this morning to refresh my memory.

It was a brief rant I wrote about celeb-embarrassment Tila Tequila, accompanied by a salacious picture of the lady in question in lingerie.

Much like this one

So why were dudes choosing to jerk it over this pneumatic bimbo now?

Because apparently a few days back Tila tried (once again) to cause a kerfuffle on Twitter by posting pictures of her bloody suicide attempt.

Her bloody make-believe suicide attempt.

Wow... so Tila knows how to mix corn syrup and red food dye too

Perpetrated by an alternate personality she calls Jane.

“Jane was just here! She tried to kill me!! Blood everywhere! She slit up my entire body with knives! I’m scared blood everywhere!”

The Los Angeles Police Department were called to the scene, only to leave shortly thereafter, after what I’m sure were some pretty terse words to Ms. Tequila.


Think about this for a moment… if any of this idiot’s personalities chooses to self-harm, it’s actually somebodies job to try to talk her out of it. Your law enforcement officials are legally obliged to spend quality man-hours on Tila motherfucking Tequila.

In between shit like this story and rumours that the bovine-gazed Heidi Montag and her equally brain-dead husband Spencer Pratt are pursuing a divorce purely as a publicity stunt… I ask myself:

If we, as a species, have evolved so far that natural selection hasn’t already picked these idiots off one by one, have we really evolved whatsoever?

A little harsh, perhaps. I’ll apologize for my POV on this one when Tila’s alternate identity named Darwin puts her out of my misery, and makes this entire argument null and void.


Too soon?

June 2, 2010


Dennis Hopper & Gary Coleman: A Duel-ogy

May 31, 2010

More sad news over the weekend, when in the space of 48 hours we learned of the deaths of Gary Coleman and Dennis Hopper.

Gary Coleman

Coleman was obviously most famous for his role as Arnold on 80’s TV sitcom ‘Diff’rent Strokes’. In subsequent years the child star led an oftentimes troubled life, and died on Friday from a brain hemorrhage which was the result of an accidental fall in his kitchen at home. Coleman was 42, and is survived by his wife Shannon Price

Dennis Hopper

Hopper was easily one of Hollywood’s most colorful identities. A legendary bad boy, Hopper is still most famous for his role in the brilliant film ‘Easy Rider’ (which he also wrote and directed). Hopper was an actor, director, writer, producer, as well as being an accomplished photographer and artist. Married 5 times over the course of his life, Hopper was 74 when he succumbed to complications from prostate cancer on Saturday.

What struck me in the aftermath of each death was how comparable the degree of media coverage was for both men, and that were you to base your opinion solely on Google trending and social networking sites over the past few days you’d most likely be convinced that it was Coleman who was the bigger star of the two by far.

I’ll grant you that Gary Coleman was an 80’s icon. But then so were Cyndi Lauper, Boy George and Mr. T.

Yes, that really IS Mr. T & Gary Coleman. Glory Days, they'll pass you by...

See, THIS is my favorite Dennis Hopper moment:

And THIS is probably my favorite Gary Coleman moment (at least now it is, predominantly because I’m a cruel, hateful little man with an overdeveloped irony gland):

I don’t want to denigrate the memory of Gary Coleman. Nostalgia has its place in life, sure, and the dude obviously overcame his share of obstacles in life to become a household name (at least for a while). But as a self-professed movie tragic, it pains me just a little when I see Arnold treated with more reverence than a man who influenced cinema as much as Dennis Hopper.

It’s nothing new, sadly. Hopper finally received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame this March… wow. Only 7 years after David Spade received one.

To be fair, he WAS pretty awesome in 'Eurotrip'... wait... whattya mean that wasn't David Spade?!?

And no, Coleman doesn’t have a star, yet. But I’m sure that in a world where we can honor Shrek with Hollywood immortality, Coleman will definitely receive one posthumously.

But were his contributions to the zeitgeist really that significant?

To put it in to context, which would you prefer as your epitagh?

Iconic, Oscar-winning writer and actor who appeared in films including ‘Rebel Without a Cause’, ‘Giant’, ‘True Grit’, ‘Easy Rider’, ‘Apocalypse Now’, ‘Hoosiers’, ‘Blue Velvet’, ‘True Romance’ and ‘Speed’…


“Whatchu talkin about, Willis?”


Life’s all about the tough decisions…


Headline of the week

January 7, 2010


From USA Today

A close second on the same subject was:


From E! Online

The Casey Johnson in question is the heiress to the ‘Johnson & Johnson’ pharmaceutical fortune who died on January 4th this year.

Johnson was one of those more-dollars-than-sense, ‘famous for being famous’ socialite types I admire so much. She’s never been front page news, and her recent passing would probably barely have raised a murmur…


In December 2009 she announced that she was engaged to Tila Tequila, the nuttiest chocolate bar on the shelf.

Where's my headphones disinfectant?

A Tila Tequila bio in 25 seconds?

  • She’s predominantly known for her nude modeling and being the most viewed person on MySpace, circa 2006 (W00t! Right? Huh guys?).
  • She’s starred in a number of he own reality television shows, all of them batshit crazy.
  • She’s apparently also an author and a musician (in the same way that singing along to Stevie Wonder in the car and writing a postcard once qualify me as an author and musician I guess).
  • In September 2009 she accused her then-boyfriend of choking and restraining her. When police tried to record the fact she was drunk at the time she made these accusations, she told them this was impossible as she’s allergic to alcohol. Uhh… she’s not.
  • Soon after she released a series of streaming web-cam videos on the internet, where she becomes increasingly incoherent and less clothed. One featured her flashing her lady parts with a tampon still inserted. Then she removed said tampon. On camera. Seriously.
  • On December 20, 2009 she announced she was going to be a surrogate mother for her brother. Soon. Probably.

And amidst all that she still found time to wring a marriage proposal out of an increasingly fucked-up Casey Johnson. Multi-tasking, thy name is Tila.

Tequila has made headlines for all the right reasons again this past week for ‘tweeting’ as her beloved fiance was dying. Then after she was pronounced dead. And then pretty much constantly over the course of the following few days.

Now she’s caught in a Twitter flame-war with Perez Hilton whilst also fighting Johnson’s ex-BFF Nicky Hilton over custody of the deceased’s dogs.

Now causing more wars than religion.

“Classless”, cry the news reports. “Bizarre”, say numerous others.


Her stage name is Tila. Tequila. Say it out loud, people. We should really be shocked at a lack of propriety?

We’re talking about matters of class in regards to the lady that diddled herself on camera with a sanitary product.

We should just be thankful Tequila hasn’t used this ‘tragedy’ as a springboard to launch a new reality based show or series of webisodes. Say ‘Tila Needs New Poontang!’.

Or ‘Tequila Sunrise’, in which Tila must dupe another poor, drug-addled socialite to propose to her before dawn the following day. It’s a race against time! And probably herpes! It’s Must Watch TV!

Boom! You got a logo. Now where's my moneys?

All this may sound a tad cold perhaps. Casey Johnson was just 30; she was someone’s friend, someone’s daughter.

And someone’s publicity tool, in my opinion. I don’t want to question anyone’s grief at losing a loved one… if that grief is real. Tequila probably does miss her ‘wifey’ on some level. But when an attention-whore cries wolf, don’t be too surprised to find my sympathy lacking.

I’m gonna go spend some time with my wifey. Tweet ya later,