Posts Tagged ‘Genitals’

You know what would make this scene even funnier? OR the most pointless BPM post EVER!

September 5, 2012

Finally got some down time this weekend, so I settled in to watch ‘Wanderlust’.

For those of you who may have missed it, it’s a comedy starring Paul Rudd and Jennifer Aniston. A one-sentence pitch? “What if two inner city yuppies threw it all in and moved into a hippie commune?” Another one-sentence pitch? “What if Jennifer Aniston finally took her top off in a movie, but we blurred out her bosoobies?”

That’s right – neither of us appear to be particularly happy with the blurrage

Totally serviceable movie. Not hysterically funny, but worth my 90 minutes. I was willing to give it a chance because it’s from the same writer/director team that gave us ‘Role Models’, and features a bunch of their buddies from classic comedy series ‘The State’. One of whom is comedic character actor Joe Lo Truglio.

Joe’s had small roles in a bunch of movies the past few years, like ‘Superbad’, ‘Paul’, ‘I Love You, Man’ & ‘Role Models’. In this flick, he plays a nudist novelist (say that 3 times fast) named Wayne…

That’s right, eyes up Rudd…

… whose penis we see throughout the film repeatedly.

That it’s apparently a prosthetic makes no difference to this little black duck. As I sat there, trying not to stare at the Lo Truglio Monster, I could only think of one thing (yes, only one, I promise).

And that was that this is all Jason Segel’s fault.

Behold – a pictorial example of my desire to prove a point being overwhelmed by my refusal to post any more nudity on this site.

Yes, you Segel! You are your dangler in the first 5 minutes of ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall’ started this comedy revolution! Since then I’ve been smacked across the face (METAPHORICALLY) with Jason Mewes’ junk in ‘Zack & Miri Make a Porno’, by Jason Biggs’ big’un in ‘American Reunion’, by Ken Jeong’s wang in ‘The Hangover’, and by Sasha Baron Cohen’s dicktator in… well… ‘The Dictator’.

All used to varying degrees of comic effect, sure. But still… really guys*???

One thing that all of these movies have in common is that they were all, of course, written and directed by men. Women have known for centuries about men and their obsession with dick jokes. It’s only now they can actually film them, put them up on the big screen in a mainstream commercial flick, and receive an MA rating, at worst.

Cocks on film… the 21st century take on the filmic fart joke.

That’s right, menfolk – we now live in an age where female nudity is carefully and tastefully obscured in movies, whilst where every second dumb comedy thrusts a dick and balls at us!

So to speak.

What is happppeeennniiinnngggg!??!?!?! Up is down! Black is White!

Overall crudity quotient -9%, funny animal quotient +13%

I may sound like I’m over-reacting now… but wait until this stuff permeates other movie genres. You ain’t gonna be laughing when Captain America and Iron Man literally have a dick-measuring contest in ‘Avengers 2’. Or maybe you will. I don’t know. Seems Robert Downey Jnr is a good enough actor to make anything work on screen these days.

I foresee the not too distant future, a day where I’m either a) running down the middle of the street screaming ala ‘Invasion of the Body Snatchers’ (no, not the shit Nicole Kidman one), or b) ranting Charlton Heston-style…

…yelling “It’s Dicks! Modern Comedy is Dicks! You have to believe me!”

I’m ranting now, aren’t I? My high school Career Counsellor always said I’d end up unemployable, shamelessly ripping off old sci-fi movies in lieu of coming up with solid writing ideas of my own.

Well played, Miss Dobson.

Until next time kids, keep it clean and keep it in your pants.

I mean… keep your comedy… uhh… that is to say… not that you shouldn’t clean your… because obviously you should always… umm…

Oh, forget it.

BPM

* For the record – my tip for the next cinematic comedy todger flash? Russell Brand. Has to be, right?

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Getting to the (front)bottom of things…

May 24, 2010

Finally, we can all sleep at night once again, for it has been CONCLUSIVELY PROVEN that Lady Gaga… has a hoohoo.

Lady Gaga w/ Lady Junk

After a “close encounter” with a rock journalist in the bathroom of a Berlin sex club, all our greatest fears can now and forever be laid to rest. The journalist in question, female tabloid writer Caitlin Moran, watched Gaga sit down and piss through her fish net tights.

With a vagina.

Damn… just as we were about to drag Leonard Nimoy out of retirement for a special presentation of ‘In Search Of…’

I’m sure this news will spark a plague of horny Googler’s searching several variants of LADY GAGA PUSSY VAG BERLIN SEX, in the desperate hope that Miss Moran has some photographic proof to back up her journalistic integrity.

Worry not, sad and pathetic gents. Because if we know Gaga at all, then we can be sure that if she wasn’t getting someone to film this whole retarded spectacle as it happened, we’ll at least get a dramatic re-creation in her next film clip.

Start preparing that blur effect NOW, Video Hits…

BPM