Posts Tagged ‘Pop’

Crystal Clear Lines

June 17, 2013

Was at a friend’s house yesterday when they alerted me to the music video for Alan Thicke’s son’s latest sexy jam, ‘Blurred Lines’.

What? This?

What’s the big deal?

Well, that’s the CENSORED version of the clip, guys. HEAVILY censored.

THIS is the future of music videos:

Congrats guys, we did it! We finally killed any sense of sub-text or implied sexuality in mainstream pop!

** fist pump **

Strap yourself in folks, and place your bets… how long until the equivalent of this unrated vid becomes the norm, playing on your commercial television station each weekend?

I’m saying 5 years. If I had kids I might be worried about ’em.

And if a frog had wings he wouldn’t bump his ass when he hops…

BPM

 

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Aguilera-ing

February 9, 2011

Adj –

To over-sing the simplest of songs, to stretch single notes without meaning or purpose.

There’s been much froo fraw over Christina Aguilera’s rendition of the ‘Star Spangled Banner’ pre-game at the NFL Superbowl. Strangely it’s revolved almost entirely around the fact that she got the lyrics wrong, rather than the fact she once again displayed the innate ability to turn a simple, 90-second song into what felt like a 4 and a half-minute extravaganza.

Much like this:

You can sing.

Loudly.

We get it.

Of greater concern to me was the fact that Xtina seems to be slowly morphing into a Glenda the Good Witch of the North shadow-image of ‘Jersey Shore’s Snooki.

Am I showing my age if I tell you that the most prominent hot pop stars of my youth were good ol’ dirrrrrrty Christina, Britney (of course)…

and Jessica…

Take heed Rihanna, Katy, Ke$ha:

All the money in the world, your private chef, personal trainer, a nip here, a tuck there, the odd quirky marriage and an entourage numbering in the thousands… all of these things combined still can’t halt time, or stop your barrel-full o’crazy from eventually flooding out.

Thanks to 20/20 hindsight it seems easy now to see that Pink, of all people, was going to age a hell of a lot better than her Top 40 counterparts.

Hmm…

Britney… Christina… Jessica… and Snooki: The World Tour 2013!

I best start drinking now if I want to be sufficiently sloppy and sentimental by show time.

Forever yours as I leave you imagining a rendition of the ‘Star Spangled Banner’ with that 4-part harmony…

BPM

They’re Back (For Good)

July 15, 2010

Hope your Nostalgia Gland is fully functional on this fine Friday morning…

ROBBIE WILLIAMS TO REJOIN TAKE THAT FOR NEW ALBUM & TOUR

No no, they were SERIOUS musicians. Really.

For at least one year… which, come to think of it, sounds slightly more like a court-enforced sentence than a reunion… but whatever.

This is probably what ‘Take That’ are best remembered for:

Ugh.

Remember only a few years ago when Robbie Williams was a Pop Icon? OK, not in America perhaps… but in those countries still part of the Commonwealth, he was a Solo Sensation™. I guess living like you were a 21st century Caligula for a couple of years means you can burn through money pretty quick… but Robbie… ‘Take That’? Is playing second banana to Gary Barlow really worth it?

It also makes me wonder if ‘Band – Band Split – Solo Projects – Band Reunion‘ is now just a standard part of serious long-term business planning in the music industry.

In any case, rejoice ‘Take That’ fans. For $100 a ticket you’ll get to see a bloated version of your teenage idols on a world tour, very soon.

Personally, I’m going to hold out a little longer for the ‘All Saints’ / ‘East 17’ / ‘5ive’ reunion super-tour.

And just like THAT, I become the first person to reference 5ive in any way in over a decade

Who’s with me?

BPM