Posts Tagged ‘Racism’

Writing for (Reality) Television 101

February 17, 2013

“Your story is only ever as strong as it’s antagonist”

                                                     – Old Jungle Saying

It’s been simultaneously fascinating and disheartening to see ‘My Kitchen Rules’ once again become an Australian TV ratings behemoth over the past few weeks, based primarily on some of the oldest character stereotypes in the book.

Every ‘reality’ show needs a villain (of course). Enter the ‘Spice Girls’, Jessie & Biswa from New South Wales…


Who, in a matter of weeks, used their unparalleled charm and sophistication to become seemingly the most hated duo in the country (sorry Tony & Julia). They tick every single ‘HAAAAAAATE-watch’ box for a Channel 7 audience. Lets count ’em off:

  • Gen Y? Tick.
  • Female? Tick.
  • Horribly entitled? Tick.
  • Dumb as a post? Tick.
  • And most importantly, an ethnicity just ‘brown’ enough to offend white Australia? Indian and Bangladeshi MEGA TICK!


You wouldn’t have guessed, but the judges and their fellow contestants voted these clowns off of a cooking show for the piddling offense of being unable to cook. Terrible, I know. Goodbye Spice Girls! Goodbye guaranteed ratings draw!

What are we to do now, MKR???

If your answer was  to introduce a new group of muckraking, gatecrashing contestants for no real reason other than to create conflict less than a month into the show, then you win… uhh… well… not much.

They haven’t even come up with something as clever as the SPICE GIRLS this time for fucks sake!!! ‘Gatecrashers’?!?!

* smacks head *

And yes, our most notable team of Gatecrashers are…


  • Gen Y? Tick.
  • Female? Tick.
  • Horribly entitled? Tick.
  • Dumb as a post? Tick.
  • And most importantly, an ethnicity just ‘Asian’ enough to offend white Australia? SUPER MEGA HAPPY TICK!

From the network that brought you ‘Border Patrol’… ladies and gentlemen, ‘MY KITCHEN RULES’!!!!!!!!!!

It’s made me pause more than once in the writers room of the TV show I work on to wonder why the hell we’re bothering to try to create boring shit like ‘well-rounded antagonists’,  ‘in depth backstories’, or ‘character arcs’. All that work, when really all we need to do is make our villain each and every week a spoiled stupid Gen-Y ditz with a complete lack of self-awareness.

The Hannibal Lector era of villainy is over, people. Long live Jessie & Biswa, the new breed of supervillain, soon to be enshrined in the Richard Hatch Hall of Infamy.

Take the tour.

It’s frigging horrible, sure, but it’ll only take 15 minutes.



Justin Bieber transcends race, possibly gender too

May 20, 2010

Just another example of the radical disconnect between me and so many of the other humans…


Teen heart-throbbity moppet Justin Bieber is reportedly being nominated for a 2010 B.E.T.

For those that don’t know, that’s a Black Entertainment Television Award.

Predictably much of the ‘outrage’ has been about Justin… umm… well… not being black. He’s a long way from black. He’s not even tan. He’s actually the whitest kind of Vanilla there is – Canadian Vanilla.

Not only is Bieby kinda not black, but he doesn’t even pretend to be black, like his idol Justin Timberlake. But, I guess if the black community wants to adopt either Justin, that’s their prerogative.

Me? I feel wayyyyy more offended personally by the fact that he’s seen as some kind of ‘entertaining’. But then I’m not a 14-year-old girl. Not yet, anyways.

I see shit like the shrieking sea of teenage girls at his canceled appearance in Sydney last month, and I can’t even begin to wrap my head around it. Is this what my grandparents felt like when confronted with Beatlemania? Have I finally become my Pop Pop?

Were she born 40-some years later, your Mum would probably like Justin Bieber just as much as you do

The answer, of course, is no. He was a man’s man, who fought overseas, was shot and captured as a POW during World War II, only to return home, marry, and raise several children in difficult economic circumstances. Whereas I spend my days prattling on about 16-year-old androgynous swoony crooner’s.

Sorry Pop.

Nevertheless… if THIS is your idea of entertaining:

Then it’s probably best we part ways before someone gets hurt.