Posts Tagged ‘Star Wars’

I find your lack of faith… yadayadayada

February 12, 2013

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Pope Benedict XVI resigns his position as head of the papacy. The Catholic Church is left reeling. World is shocked.

Internet explodes.

And yet, in the past month alone the internets has exploded MULTIPLE times… over the Grammy’s, a blackout at the Superbowl, whether Beyonce lip-syncs or not, the news that JJ Abrams will control the hearts and minds of both Star Wars AND Trek fans, and the revelation that every professional athlete anywhere is probably maybe taking something…

24 hour news cycle, baby.

My tip for the next biggest news story of all time?

Beyonce is elected the next Pope, but only after a power failure at Vatican City means the papal conclave is forced to release fake white smoke from their chimneys. The smoke is later revealed to contain traces of HGH, Beyonce resigns after a week in disgrace, only to then be cast as both Lieutenant Uhura in the next Star Trek film and the ass-kicking descendent of Mace Windu in Star Wars episodes 7-9.

The force is... umm... strong? With this one?

The force is… umm… strong? With this one?

And even THAT’S only gonna tide us over for a week. At best.

Wake me when the zombie apocalypse finally happens, won’t you? Now THAT’S news.

BPM

 

That’s no moon…

January 17, 2013

death-star-1200

Gun control, gun control, gun control. Definitely a hot button topic in the States these days.

Turns out not only is the Obama administration in favour of tighter controls on semi-automatic weapons, NOW they’re refusing to build the ultimate in weapons technology.

Pussies…

You see, a petition was raised in America recently, and apparently any petition that garners over 25,000 signatures can officially be presented to the U.S government.

The petition in question?

‘To secure resources and funding, and begin construction of a Death Star by 2016’.

You can read the official response from the White House here, but in the meantime they listed 3 reasons as to why they won’t be pursuing construction anytime soon, which are:

  • The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We’re working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.
  • The Administration does not support blowing up planets.
  • Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?

Suck it, NRA.

BPM

Han Solo… rogue… pirate… backup dancer?

April 12, 2012

Ughhh…

I’m TRYING to be more positive. I’m TRYING not to let this kind of shit get to me. I’M TRYING!!!!!!!!

From the new Star Wars Kinect XBox360 game.

Prepare yourself:

Yep. That just happened.

Eat a big steaming bowl of dick, George Lucas.

BPM

Footprints

April 10, 2012

Belated Easter-time blessings to each and every one of you. To paraphrase the immortal Bill Hicks, I hope you all commemorated the death and resurrection of Jesus by telling your children that a giant bunny rabbit left chocolate eggs in the night.  

A new post is on the way, but until then a handy reminder for y’all, at this most holy time o’ the year, of what is truly important…

BPM

The Phantom Marketing

January 8, 2012

It’s fair to say I spent more than a little time at my local cinema this Xmas break, where amongst other things I managed to catch ‘Tintin’ (not bad), ‘Girl with the Dragon Tattoo’ (as unflinching as you’d expect), and ‘Sherlock Holmes 2’ (lightweight, but fun).

What caught my eye though with every passing visit was the increasing amounts of standees, posters and promotional materials for this obscure, indie space-western you might have heard of…

Because you may not always be able to polish a turd, but you CAN convert it to 3D apparently

 Notice anything missing at all?

I’ll give you a hint – remember this piece of promo art from the original release 12 or so years ago?

Hey yeah… wasn’t there an annoying-as-fuck kid in that flick? Now THAT’S pod-racing, n’shit?

** shrugs **

Ah well, maybe it’s just the poster that features Darth Maul a little more prominently than perhaps necess –

Huh… I could’ve sworn… let’s backtrack a little.

There! See, yes, Darth Maul might be lurking in the background, but I KNEW that movie had an annoying kid, and Liam Neeson with a terrible beard, and Natalie Portman with god awful make-up and hair, and…

JAR JAR FRIGGING BINKS!!!

Settle down, Monkey. It’s not like Mr. Lucas to try to rewrite cinema history or anything. I’m sure there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why the new poster and standee don’t accurately reflect the actual movie, and it’s a concern that will be rectified as soon as more promotional materials are…

Crap.

‘Star Wars: Just Give Me Your Fucking Wallet’ hits cinemas in Australia on February 9th, kiddies. Book your tickets now for the alt cut of Phantom Menace with no child actors, terrible make up or Gungan special-needs characters.

On second thoughts that movie actually sounds not too bad…

BPM

Jedi Kittens

September 21, 2011

The title says it all really…

Thanks Evan!

BPM

George Lucas Strikes Back

June 10, 2011

 

thanks to www.howitshouldhaveended.com

BPM

Simon Pegg and Nick Frost’s ‘Star Wars’

March 24, 2011

In 2009, on the set of ‘Paul’, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost set out to make a shot for shot remake of the entire Star Wars trilogy…

Only one scene was completed…

from http://www.collegehumor.com

** Sniffle **

You had me at “How did we get into this mess?”.

BPM

Rebel Scum: When Death Star Attacks Go Awry

January 19, 2011

Thanks to Collider.com

BPM

Sweet dreams are made of this

May 29, 2010

What’s that? You wanna be the coolest kid at your next sleepover? Well now, you can be!

Thanks to your very own…

‘Star Wars’ themed Tauntaun Sleeping Bag!

That’s right! Because nothing says comfort like crawling into the disemboweled belly of your shaggy ride from Hoth.

I know, I know... if I had kids I wouldn't let this guy near them either.

Bonus points to the inimitable Chutson for being the first person I showed this to who correctly responded with:

And I thought they smelled bad… on the outside…

And don’t forget kids, coming soon – the all new Chewbacca Personal Grooming Kit!

Sorry, but I HAD to find a way to include this picture. You understand, right?

Because sometimes even a Wookiee likes to look like he’s made an effort.

BPM