Posts Tagged ‘Stephen King’

Poor Mindy McCready…

February 19, 2013


You know, I’d rather be repeatedly punched in my monkey parts than watch a minute of ‘Celebrity Rehab’… but seriously —

THIS headline:


Fifth. Out of about 50.

Strange… it’s almost like Dr. Drew and Co. were more concerned with exploiting people with emotional problems purely for entertainment purposes, rather than helping them or something???

I’ll say it again – day by day, inch by inch, we struggle closer and closer to television finally giving up and just embracing the dystopian future of ‘The Running Man‘…

I'd seek help from Richard Dawson circa '87 before I'd speak to Dr. Drew, any day o' the week

I’d seek help from Richard Dawson circa ’87 before I’d speak to Dr. Drew, any day o’ the week

Which does not work for me. At all. I for one still look shitty in a lycra bodysuit, and cannot effectively wield a chainsaw whilst in hand-to-hand combat.

Not whilst on camera anyways.

Rest in Peace, Mindy.



Uncle Stevie drops some knowledge

December 13, 2012

I realise this is probably of little interest to most of you, but I dig it…

Stephen King speaking to a Masters Class at UMass Lowell this week.

A chance to hear the greatest living American novelist expound on Lovecraft, ’50 Shades of Grey’ and being asked “Where do you get your ideas from?” for 35 frigging years.



God bless you, Stephen King

May 2, 2012

One of my literary idols, Stephen King, wrote an article this week for the website The Daily Beast simply entitled ‘Tax Me, For F@%&’s Sake!’

I’d encourage anyone interested in the ongoing 1% / 99% debate in the States to have a read.

But for those of who can’t be bothered to click your mouse once, the crux of Sir Stevie’s argument (that the excessively wealthy can well afford to pay much, much more tax) can pretty much be encapsulated by this one particular purple piece of prose:

“The majority would rather douse their dicks with lighter fluid, strike a match, and dance around singing “Disco Inferno” than pay one more cent in taxes to Uncle Sugar”.

 You can agree with the guy’s politics… or you can disagree with the guy’s politics… but one thing remains as steady as the beam – man can that guy still turn a phrase!

And that beam reference? Just the clumsiest of segues into me saying that thanks to another recent hospital stay, I managed to burn through Mr. King’s latest instalment in The Dark Tower series, ‘The Wind Through The Keyhole’ in roughly 2 days.

Suffice to say it’s a fast, entertaining-as-hell read. It employs an interesting ‘story within a story’ narrative device, a framework that at its core binds it to the Dark Tower series as a whole, at least for me. Over thousands of pages, The Dark Tower (to me, at least) became as much about the nature of stories, and their importance in our lives, as it did plot or character. There’s a meta-level of spiritual awareness, storytelling skill and artistry about the books that manages to both baffle and captivate me… more than it might otherwise, because although I’ve known a handful of other King diehards, I’m yet to meet someone who has actually read the entire series!

So, faithful readers, if any of you out there have read, or are interested in reading The Dark Tower at all, hit me with a comment or two. We can discuss the Turtle, or how all things serve the beam. You can tell me about that dream you had once about a Billy Bumbler, and I’ll tell thee a tale, sai, of a mono named Blaine.


And you wondered why no one wanted to talk to you about these books, Monkey…

Until next time, if anyone needs me I’ll be in the nerdiest Stephen King chatroom I can find, probably using the handle ‘R@ndallFlaggBEARer79’, wishing CancerAIDS (or even worse, Anti-Ka) upon any commenter that dares to disagree with me.

Cos this is the internets. And that’s how we rolls,


The Biggest Loser (again): Who Dies Wins!

February 14, 2010

Don't you love the super-fit personal trainer running with them for 'moral support'? You've never even SEEN a cheeseburger, asshole!

Was I the only person who didn’t realize that this season of ‘The Biggest Loser’ in Australia is supposed to culminate in all contestants participating in a 42 kilometre marathon?!?

I’m not kidding.

The show claims that after 11 weeks of fitness and weight loss training, all contestants (minus eliminated kiddie-porn enthusiasts, of course) will run a 42 km marathon to see who will compete for the show’s $200,000 prize money.

Experts and assorted pundits have already been very quick to warn that this kind of stunt could result in serious health repercussions. A 150kg+ contestant has already been eliminated from the show after suffering leg fractures and suspected shin splints whilst trying to run 4 kilometres in one of their daffy trials.

There’s a legitimate chance that one of these stupid fatties could die attempting that marathon. My question is this; at what point do you disregard the entertainment value of watching fat people exercise until they go into cardiac arrest? Is a show like ‘The Biggest Loser’ perfectly within their rights to push their latest charge of moron’s to the brink of death? Over it? Where is the line drawn?

Ponder THAT for a moment.

I’ve never really had any interest in reality television, mainly because I find the entire process the antithesis of reality (I realize I’m stating the obvious, but whattya gonna do). There’s so much artifice involved in all of these fucking shows, I’d rather watch a drama that someone actually talented wrote.

Trivia note: Stephen King wrote a series of novellas during the late 70’s and early 80’s under the pseudonym ‘Richard Bachman’. The novella’s were invariably short, bleak and brutal, even for King. Several of these novella’s were compiled and released in 1 volume (entitled ‘The Bachman Books’) in the late 80’s. King wrote 2 stories in particular about futuristic reality TV-style competitions, where the goal wasn’t to lose weight, or win a recording contract, or dance like a muscular, spastic faerie. It was to survive the competition itself.

One of these novella’s was called ‘The Long Walk’, and has been in movie development hell for a lonnngggg time. The other was stripped of much of it’s theme and harshness, and made into the film ‘The Running Man’, starring the Governator himself.

‘The Running Man’ was set in the year 2019.

Place your bets now about how long it’ll be before we’re watching idiots die on our TV screens every night at 6:30pm, all trying to win a Big! Cash! Jackpot!!!

I say 2017. But then I’ve always been a pretty conservative gambler.